Bip does this self harm thing that drives me through the roof.... he will hit himself in front of me when he does something wrong, he knows it pushes my buttons, so hence he'll do it even more....
But not today.
Picture the scene:
Its nearly bed time and they both have the PJ's on .... they ask if the TV can go one....
I'm on a no TV ban right now ...it's not been on all day .... can't bond if your watching the TV....
So I say get your reading books and read for fifteen minutes....
I wonder outside to see hubby who is letting the dog out.....(oh did I tell you we have a dog well the dog has issues to another story for another day)
So here we are talking outside and I can hear the kids talking and messing around, I call them both outside to me, they come running.
" What should you not be doing when reading"
" Messing about" they both say
" What else"
They both start to smirk ...something else that would normally push my buttons....
Bip automatically puts his hands to his face, well Bop does to but cause his action is so dramatic you always notice him more than her....
"Get your hands by your side I cant understand what your saying if your face is covered"
He moves them I go to talk again and his hands go up...
I tell him its OK to smirk, and I smile at him... His eyes start to go dark... I can see the hate and the angry coming.
He then hits himself as I ask the same question, Bop answers it
"Talking ...we shouldn't be talking"
I get up hug her and say well done... correct answer....
Bip drops to his knees and wackes his hand on the floor.... he needs a reaction from me.... so very calmly I say
" Bip pleases go to your room if you need to beat yourself up"
He looks at me with eyes wide open ...certainly not the answer he was looking for, he doesn't move but instead hits himself again...
Hubby's face is a picture ... he's also waiting for me to blow a gasket ....
I repeat myself very calmly again
" Bip please go to your room... no-one wishes to witness you beating yourself up"
Finally he gets of the floor and we all walk in...I carefully guide him to his room and very quietly say...
" Bip this is obviously a hobby of yours ... but its not a hobby the rest of the family likes... and as I cant stop you from doing it ... and wont even try to stop you ...please fell free to beat yourself up in here your room and when your done you may join the rest of us for family time"
I close the door as I leave his room.
Five minutes later he reappears.... arms all scratched up and face very red.
And as proud as proud can be he announces what he has done.... I look at him and say.
" Ok Bip well you still have five minutes of reading time so please could you get on with it"
I took a sly look at his war wounds .... they weren't half as bad as they normally are when he does this in front of me.
Bed time comes around and I walk with him to his room....
I give him lots of hugs and kisses... and he's giggling away when he says.
" Mommy ...why didn't you tell me off or stop me from hitting myself"
I replied with,
"Cause you have got to want to stop... I cant make you"
I get back to the living room and that damn dog has drank my Vodka + Coke that Hubby just made me as I was tucking Bip in....
Did I tell you we use to had a dog !
Don't you just love those moments when you can remain calm...you're so amazing! I have a hard time trying to remain calm when my children are trying to push my buttons. It's hard. Sending hugs your way. Have a beautiful day dear friend. ♥
ReplyDeleteIve not always stayed calm Kristi.... its only now I have my head around what RAD is and how my kids have suffered that I can be calm.... and thank goodness I can cause believe me everyday is a winding road... full of surprises lol.... thanks for the hugs... I really do appreciate them :)
ReplyDeleteThe hitting themselves really gets to me too. My little fella bangs his head on the floor, or hits his head with his hand (I don't mind the second so much) He is 3 now and doesn't have the understanding where I can do what you did (which was pretty amazing tbh). If my elder fella starts I just walk out of the room, it is very rare that he would do it anyway, but that made it even rarer! Jen
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