Sunday, July 11, 2010

Hard Lessons

I'm writing this with pretty much a broken heart.

Today was not a great day .... it should of been .... It could of been .....

But it wasn't.

We had to do something we were hoping we wouldn't have to do, something our therapist had said we might have to do if Bip's behavior didn't improve in certain area's. We believed he has stopped stealing, and I could be wrong maybe he has I have no proof either way.

I wont go into detail of why we did what we did today, I wont turn your stomachs like mine was turned today ..... but what I will say is I cant live like this any more so I brought it all to a stop and made the decision I didn't want to have to make.

Bip was removed from his room .... all his toys are boxed up and all he as in the room he is sleeping in, is a bed, draws for his cloths , a lamp, a fan and a laundry basket.

And I'm brokenhearted that we have had to do this....

I think what broke me more than doing the room was seeing him curled up in a corner just sobbing....

Bip is very materialistic ..... Its about what he has, not who he is as a person .....
so to lose everything is crushing him .....

One of the reasons we have had to do this, in order for him to heal,is to take away the control
I know outsiders can see at this as overbearing or mean. Why do we take away control?
To teach him.
He has to retrain his brain. To lower his anxiety.
It take a lot of effort and stress to constantly control everything.
So he can feel safe.
If he trust me,we are in control, he can let go.
To stop the power struggle.
He has to learn to trust us.

RAD Children ..... Manipulate people to gain control. They hug and smile to get what they want. They are bossy so they can keep the control with their peers.

RAD kids need so much to be in control of things that they will not do the most simple of tasks just because you asked them to.
It gives up way too much control. This has been happening more and more...over the last few weeks

Bip is fearful ....and cause he is, he uses control at all times to help him cope. I just took all his control away.
Without food at his easy reach he thinks he will die, without his stuff around him he believes he is nothing.

I know I'm dealing with an injured child here.... a sick child.

When I took him to bed tonight I hugged him and said " I love you"
for the first time ever he didn't say it back..... It broke my heart he didn't .... but at the same time it was a good thing.... cause it shows he wasn't trying to control me.....
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  1. My heart goes out to you and all the family and this struggle. *hug* Try to remember that a broken heart now is better than the alternative. You're doing this for him, not against him..just like you moved Bop's room and banned her from the pool and all the million other things you two have done to help them get as far as they have.

    I'm here if you need a shoulder or an ear.

  2. Thanks.... you always write something that makes sense to me are a blessing ... thanks for being that friend

  3. We're looking for a 4-bedroom right now, and this is one of the reasons: if Princess has her own room, I can strip it bare. Only the reason is the opposite. She's obsessed with getting and having stuff, but she doesn't care about it at. all once she has it. She also has no respect for her sisters' belongings. She can earn it back by not screaming and throwing things at people. If she wants to.

  4. I hear you Kerrie... Bip is the same over stuff... he is always wanting more... and nothing is every good enough .... and he looks after nothing and breaks everything he is given