This week Im Grateful for : New Ideas

 

Image Credit 

New ideas keep you on your toes... and moving forward...
They keep you inspired and creative .... and they even get the children involved if your brave enough

So This week I am grateful for

New Ideas: Sometime ago I said I was going to recycle paper into paper... so for months now we have been collecting paper ... I think we collected that much that we may have put the recycling center out of business.
We have had so much fun over the last couple of days putting into color order and piles... and today the process began ... Ill update you on the out come of the first batch

A winter cold: well I'm not totally grateful for it... I'm just grateful that its stayed away as long as it has... I work up this morning feeling rather crabby and stuffed up... I'm just grateful it waited until after the holidays.

Laughter: I am grateful that we as a family can laugh, despite the problems we may have ... we still laugh with joy with each other and at each other...

I just put Bip to bed.. he's nine now and doesn't need nor want  me to put him to bed... but I begged so much tonight he allowed me to... but not before he rolled around on the floor laughing so hard at my begging act...

Hey if it means I get a goodnight cuddle Ill keep begging ... because before I know it he will be eighteen and then Ill have no chance

So what are you grateful for this week... pop on over to Maxabella Loves and link up your Grateful post ...

Has Anyone Seen My Son?

(photo credit)

So there is a boy who lives in the same house as me, he's helpful and kind, just like any other kids I know.

He looks after his sister and helps me with the animals we have. He will wash up with his dad at night, and his bed is always made.

He picks up his toys when asked and does his homework with out any fuss.

He is full of cuddles, and has a joy about him that is pleasant to be around.

So has anyone lost a child lately cause this isn't the same boy who used to live here a month ago.

I'm not complaining .... I'm rejoicing ...
We seemed to have turned a corner with Bip and I'm just praying it lasts.

Perfect Moments Monday: Recipe for keeping RADlings Out of Trouble

Every Monday Weebles Wobblog does a weekly post Called Perfect Moment Monday

Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

 The Ingredients:


Loads of sticks.
A few old blankets.
One Grandfather.( A.K.A Teddy)
An imagination.
An old tree.
And plenty of time on your hands


This recipe is so easy and if perfect for a day when the kids are bored and the grandparents are in town.


A bit of preparation time is needed, but you don't need to get involved if you don't want to...... I didn't in fact I didn't even know they where cooking up a storm.


Just be open to handing over some of ingredients when needed ..... and please note its best not to ask any questions.


The preparation time is as equal as the cooking time.....
It all depends on how the RADlings respond to the Grandfather I guess.....


You know when the cooking time is over you should hear something like this


" Mommy come see what we made"


Hold your breath and step outside ........

Bip, Bop, and Teddy ...looking very proud after building their forte.

Let me just say this forte has brought hours of entertainment for Bip and Bop....

They had their friend over for lunch and they sat and eat in it..... its sports a campfire and some sticks for poking bears up the nose with if the get to close so I'm told..... 

I Capture Perfect Moments.

The Day She Called Me Mommy.

There are always moments in your life that you never forget, moments that bring great joy and sometimes even victory.Moments that touch the heart, sometimes good sometimes bad.

When children first learn to speak, the first words parents really hope will come out of their tiny mouths are Momma or Dadda, its only human nature to want to hear these words from your off spring, people spend months repeating these two little words to their babies in the hope they will hear them repeated back in a garbled fashion.

I never had that joy of hearing the first words come out of my children's mouth.

My hubby did and he has always and always will be Daddy, their birth mother was never mommy or momma.

I'm told Bip called it her once,but from there one she had a nickname, for whatever reason this was I don't full understand, and its neither here or there to me why this was.

From the first day they meet me I was always Rachel, nothing unusual about that .....
Its the name I was introduced to them with.
It is my name, and I never expected to be introduced with anything else.
Its the name I was born with ....... its the name I go by, so why would they call me anything else.....

Is the name Mommy or Daddy a name which we automatically expect to be called or is it a name in which we earn the right to be called.

I personally think its a bit of both..... if you have birth children its the name you teach them to call you. There is a lot of respect in both those names ..... So we teach our children to use them out of respect.

If you have adopted children, do you introduce yourself as "Your new Mommy/Daddy" or with your birth name? 
An area I'm not familiar with but would love to know......

My name over the years has changed where Bip and Bop are concerned, I have been known as many things over time, and its all depend on where they where and what setting or environment they where in at the time.

They have complied as not to be diffrent from other kids around them, they have used certain names to explain who I am to them without having to go into detail......

They have been very clever about the whole thing, without anyone noticing or them bring attention to themsleves.

No child wants to be diffrent, at such a young age ....... so they complie to suit there surroundings.

Mommy is a name I believe I have earned, I have never pushed for this title.

It is a conversation I have had with Bip when I first married his Daddy, but i never told him he had to use a certain name to ask, talk or call me ......
So I stayed as Rachel ....... within the house.

Outside of the house was a diffrent story ...like I said they used names to fit the situation.

Bop was the first one to ever say Momma, when directly speaking to me, and as sad as it is I totally ignored it and called on doing what I was doing .....

Imagine the setting Im working a summer camp, (I use to be an Art Director for a Boys and Girls Club)

Both Bip and Bop are at the same camp, and Im walking across the yard and I hear this little voice call
"Momma"
I pay no attention to this whats so ever..... why would I its not my name.

I hear it again and something inside of me caused me to turn my head and look to the direction the voice saying "Momma" and there I saw Bop jumping up and down waving her arms around shouting at the top of her voice. I stopped in my stride.

The pause before walking over seemed like a lifetime, I wasnt sure that it was really her calling me Momma, I wasnt sure how to react to this new name if it was her.

I had believed that my role in their life was to be their mother, but that as their step mother they would always call me by my first name. Suddenly that seemed like it was going to change, and I wasnt sure how to handle it.

I didnt need to walk over to Bop in the time all the crazy thoughts where going through my head she had come to me..... she had won something playing a camp game and she had wanted to tell me about it.....

As I listened to her story about winning, I did wonder if I should ask her what she had just called me.
We taked for a few minutes but then I needed to get back to what I was doing, I explained to her that I needed to go and her reply was this
"Thats fine Momma, I will see you later" and off she skipped back to her group.

So she had just called me Momma, I think I spent the rest of the day in a daze....( note the words daze and think.... )

I also remember thinking that maybe this was a one of and that she would go back to Rachel.
She didnt and my name did change again some weeks later and she started to call me Mommy.
Bop soon followed suit, but instead of just saying Mommy he had the need to expain why she was calling me Mommy.

"I am making a good choice and from now on you are Mommy" he told me, I did ask why, " Cause thats what you are to me a Mommy"

Bop has never explain why and neither have I asked, I feel this word needed no explaination from her as I had piad my dues and proved to them both that I had taken the job on and would see it through to completion.

 A I write this I do feel slightly overwhelmed, we have had our ups and down, its not been an easy job, I have cried buckets over how they have treated me over the years, but and I don't say this lightly..... They are my children, I love unconditionally, with full forgiveness ..... They are my children after all.

 Flogged on Thursday.... for Flog Yo Blog Friday.....

Rite of passage

A rite of passage is a ritual event that marks a person's progress from one status to another. It is a universal phenomenon which can show anthropologists what social hierarchies, values and beliefs are important in specific cultures. Rites of passage are often ceremonies surrounding events such as other milestones within puberty, coming of age, marriage and death. Initiation ceremonies such as baptism, confirmation and bar or bat Mitzvah are considered important rites of passage for persons of their respective religions.

That above is what Wikipedia says about a Rite of Passage....

To me its more.....its not a big event ...its nothing that I need invite the neighborhood  to.....it wont cost me an arm and a leg to host.....its nothing I need explain to Bip or Bop.

Its bigger then marriage, easier to explain than puberty, there is no cost to it, and it wont kill them.....

Every kids does it, some do it alone, some need some help..... To some its scary to others its a walk in the park.....

I don't remember doing it as a kid but I'm told by my mother I did my dad taught me .....

My brothers did it to.... they where pretty good at it and would hide from me for hours .....

It's something I wasn't sure Bip or Bop would ever do....

Bip is so fearful of most things that he has never tried..... in his mind he has done it a thousand time and each time he does it he does it so well he is the Master of it ....

Bop will openly admit that she cant do something, but she has no fear and will give anything a go at lest once.

So the Rite of Passage .....is.... Drum Roll Please

 Tree Climbing...... and Bip and Bop can now scale the trees like experts ...no more in my imagination I can do it  all...no more I cant do that..... They have conquered the tree in the backyard with grace and style.....

Perfect Moment Monday: Playing Together

Every Monday Weebles Wobblog does a weekly post Called Perfect Moment Monday

Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.


There hasn't been many perfect moments of late, well not where Bip and Bop are concerned.... just as you think your going forward you take about five steps back.

Playing together is just imposable, I know all kids have there moments where they don't get on and cant play together but this is an everyday thing.

Its wearing thin and becoming a concern, the control of each other has grown mainly I think cause they know they cant control me, and in true RAD style they have to control something, so why not each other.
We  are working on this little problem, but needless to say, them being amicable with each other is far and few between.

There was one day this week where I suggested they  build something, they both love to build .... I supplied tape, scissors ( I was supervising the handling of the scissors), markers and other bits and bobs ... oh and a big cardboard box ..... they decided together to build a house for BOP's littlest pet shop toys .... there was one moment where they where quiet, no agruing no bickering, and where working together.

Working Together

I sat back and savored the moment of peace .....

Glad I did cause not some ten minutes later one of the toys had its head ripped off in anger ....Go figure.

I Capture Perfect Moments.

Wanted .....!

I love walking to the mail box and finding a letter just for me ......
Not a letter like a bill, but a letter from a friend, it can be a friend from the other side of the pond or just a friend from the same State.

It doesn't mater where it comes from ..... what matters is, someone was thinking of me and send me a tiny bit of love.

It's something I don't do very ofton, write a letter.

My Mom on the other hand does all the time...... I received a letter from her the other day and Bip said

" Why doesn't Nanny just email you"

" Cause she doesn't have a computer"

He looked at me like I had two heads ......
I explained that she didnt grow up with computers and hence she doesn't really know how to use one and it got me thinking.

Do our kids know how to write a letter, do they know what snail mail even is......

So we got talking about writing leters to people ..... and Bip says like a penpal.
I asked him if he know what a penpal was, without going into a ful explanation here ... he does and now does Bop.

They now want pen pals......
of course they do ..... why wouldn't they .... after all I had one ....what kid wouldn't want one .... its fun finding out about where someone else lives, what their school is like what their hobbies are.

I remember that joy of getting a letter ..... and reading my letter three or four times and taking every little it in... then the visit to the post office to send my letter off..... buying my own stamp and popping it in the post box......Then there was the little parcels..... and buying nice writting paper.

Oh the memories.
So now the task of finding them both pen pals.......

Any takers?

Anyone out there who has children around the 6 to 10 age range who would like to bring some sort of non computer activity to their children's lives which would not only improve handwriting but teach their children the joys of giving and receiving, and just doing something fun.

If your interested or know of someone who might be leave me a comment ......

I would really appreciate it.

Summer Rain

I love summer rain... mixed in with a tad of thunder and a spark of lightening ...makes for a perfect storm.... after the thunder and lightening Bip and Bop went out to play in the rain...... I followed

Bop Jumping in Puddles

Bop running in the Rain

Bip's Dirty Feet

They had so much fun.... and so did Mom ...... The we spotted the Rainbow .......

The sky was still fairly dark so I"m not sure how well you will see it

The devil in your food

So by now many of you know that my two munchies have RAD, but what you may not know is that they also have ADHD.

This was diagnosed before the RAD was which in most case is the normal ... as both can display simple symptoms.

When it was diagnosed in Bip we had to make a decision weather to medicate or not, I am a firm believer ( and this is my belief and I don't push my belief on anyone nor do I judge anyone who doesn't think like I do) that this sort of medication is a personal choice for the child once they get to an age and understand what it is they are taking and why they are taking it.

I have many reasons for this belief which would take far to long to explain but if you really need to know I would be happy to explain myself.

Instead we went down the route of herbal medication which I have mentioned before, called Native Remedies.

This option is no more expensive then traditional medication for ADHD.

Well not long after this was diagnosed I was taking with a friend and she was telling me about a report she had read how food additives and food dyes have this huge effect on children's behavior, and more so with children with ADHD.

The main culprit being Red 40.

Red 40 is found in most foods that are the color red, orange, purple, pink, just think of your primary color chart and what you would use the red for when mixing other colors ... but don't be fooled they have been known to put it in other foods which have no trace of the color red.

While red 40 dye is approved by the FDA, many parents of children with ADHD have had to limit or remove the dye from their children's diets due to its effects on behavior.

Red 40 has been shown to be a trigger for hyperactive behavior in children who consume it regularly, and is also known to exacerbate the negative traits that are associated with ADHD.

Common symptoms that children who are sensitive to red 40 dye experience include but not limited to severe temper tantrums, fidgeting, aggression, inability to focus, and nervousness. The dye has also been linked to physical symptoms such as stomachaches and headaches.

All of the above both my children experienced.

We conducted a little experiment where we removed red 40 from their diet for 6 weeks, we saw a change fairly quickly ...... all of the above symptoms seem to be reduced after 5 days of with drawing any form of red 40 from their diet.

After six weeks we gave them both an ice pop a red juice ice pop.... I think with in an hour I had regretted this ..... but my point was proved.

Some people say that my kids are not servery RAD .... they don't throw fits they don't kick and scream they don't harm me they don't bite ... they are not RAD extreme ....

Well to those people let me tell you they use to, on a daily basic .... it was all part of everyday living at one point or another.

When red 40 was removed from their diet this did subside, they still throw fits they still kick and scream they still do harm to themselves and others but not to the extent they use to.

I just chose not to write about that sort of thing, and try to focus on the positive and the humour of it all... if I didn't I would do and go crazy, taking my kids with me.

I know when sticky fingers has found candy that Ive forgot to throw away which is positivity injected with red 40 ( did i forget to mention I'm not perfect and sometimes forget stuff).
I have known when they have eaten something away from the home without me, and chose not to say

" I can't eat that it has red 40 in it"

I don't blame them when they do this.... lets face it they are kids... and food can look so yummy even when you know its bad for you... we all do it when on a diet.

I can now speed read labels and the weekly shop doesn't take 4 hours ....... the kids can also speed read food ingredient.

Ive also educated them both and other members of the family on the effects of this evil ingredient, and now a days they refuse or will say why they cant have something to others....

There has been mistakes Ive made, some big some small, like cough medication, even shampoo and bubble bath.. if its red its more than likely got red 40 in it,(there are some foods etc etc that don't but they are far and few between) bubble bath and shampoo can seep into their pores and do the same damage,

Ive learnt the hard way on most things like this ....

My recent findings .... Tartrazine FD&C Yellow No.5 and Sunset Yellow FD&C Yellow No.6 and any other yellow with a number after it is pretty much going to have an effect on them to... not as bad but its still visible.

So you may or may not find this useful ....but either way I hope you have learnt something new ... and that you may even pass this along to educate someone else who may need to know this information.

Don't they look yummy

Kids, Dogs and Vodka !!

Bip does this self harm thing that drives me through the roof.... he will hit himself in front of me when he does something wrong, he knows it pushes my buttons, so hence he'll do it even more....

But not today.

Picture the scene:

Its nearly bed time and they both have the PJ's on .... they ask if the TV can go one....

I'm on a no TV ban right now ...it's not been on all day .... can't bond if your watching the TV....
So I say get your reading books and read for fifteen minutes....

I wonder outside to see hubby who is letting the dog out.....(oh did I tell you we have a dog well the dog has issues to another story for another day)

So here we are talking outside and I can hear the kids talking and messing around, I call them both outside to me, they come running.

" What should you not be doing when reading"
" Messing about" they both say
" What else"

They both start to smirk ...something else that would normally push my buttons....

Bip automatically puts his hands to his face, well Bop does to but cause his action is so dramatic you always notice him more than her....

"Get your hands by your side I cant understand what your saying if your face is covered"

He moves them I go to talk again and his hands go up...

I tell him its OK to smirk, and I smile at him... His eyes start to go dark... I can see the hate and the angry coming.

He then hits himself as I ask the same question, Bop answers it

"Talking ...we shouldn't be talking"

I get up hug her and say well done... correct answer....

Bip drops to his knees and wackes his hand on the floor.... he needs a reaction from me.... so very calmly I say

" Bip pleases go to your room if you need to beat yourself up"

He looks at me with eyes wide open ...certainly not the answer he was looking for, he doesn't move but instead hits himself again...

Hubby's face is a picture ... he's also waiting for me to blow a gasket ....

I repeat myself very calmly again

" Bip please go to your room... no-one wishes to witness you beating yourself up"

Finally he gets of the floor and we all walk in...I carefully guide him to his room and very quietly say...

" Bip this is obviously a hobby of yours ... but its not a hobby the rest of the family likes... and as I cant stop you from doing it ... and wont even try to stop you ...please fell free to beat yourself up in here your room and when your done you may join the rest of us for family time"

I close the door as I leave his room.

Five minutes later he reappears.... arms all scratched up and face very red.

And as proud as proud can be he announces what he has done.... I look at him and say.

" Ok Bip well you still have five minutes of reading time so please could you get on with it"

I took a sly look at his war wounds .... they weren't half as bad as they normally are when he does this in front of me.

Bed time comes around and I walk with him to his room....

I give him lots of hugs and kisses... and he's giggling away when he says.
" Mommy ...why didn't you tell me off or stop me from hitting myself"

I replied with,

"Cause you have got to want to stop... I cant make you"

I get back to the living room and that damn dog has drank my Vodka + Coke that Hubby just made me as I was tucking Bip in....

Did I tell you we use to had a dog !

With Book in Hand

I started a new book today and already its geared me up for the battle ahead....

Does that sound right the battle ahead...maybe it is the right thing to say I'm not sure.... but to be honest it feels like a battle ....
Battle of wills ...
Theirs against me ...
Like rage against the machine...

What they don't know is...while they are asleep mommy is reading a book ... and when they get up in the morning mommy will be well equipped to face the day again with them....

I'm almost excited for them to pull their normal, and I'm going to say it...
It's a word Ive been saying all day in my head....
Shit...
Their normal shit ....
I even said shit to my mom on the phone today and I never say shit like that to my mom .....
So enough with that ... Back to the book and the kids...
I'm on the bit that talks about being prepared to deal with problems .... problems like,
lies, unclear speech, the Why answer, the I don't know answer, the interrupting, dumb questions, useless chatter, the not answering, the arguing, not accepting responsibility, the whining.
Now I know your thinking but isn't this normal behavior in kids ... and yes it is but where normal is concerned its normal and can be dealt with pretty quickly ...

With RAD kids it's controlling behavior, and if I cant deal with it Im allowing them more power and more control.

The book gives me options on how to deal with all of the above.

Its had me laughing ... to the point of tears running down my face, my husband thinks Ive gone crazy .....Maybe I have ....
Maybe me going crazy will help my kids heal from this ...
Maybe he needs to come with me ....
The book also goes on to talk about the acting out, the urine issues (which by the way started again today) and food issues...all of which I sure need help on ......

The Book I'm reading is

When Love is Not Enough by Nancy L. Thomas.

Nancy where ever you are ... Thank-you, you just made waking up tomorrow morning something to look forward to.

Hard Lessons

I'm writing this with pretty much a broken heart.

Today was not a great day .... it should of been .... It could of been .....

But it wasn't.

We had to do something we were hoping we wouldn't have to do, something our therapist had said we might have to do if Bip's behavior didn't improve in certain area's. We believed he has stopped stealing, and I could be wrong maybe he has I have no proof either way.

I wont go into detail of why we did what we did today, I wont turn your stomachs like mine was turned today ..... but what I will say is I cant live like this any more so I brought it all to a stop and made the decision I didn't want to have to make.

Bip was removed from his room .... all his toys are boxed up and all he as in the room he is sleeping in, is a bed, draws for his cloths , a lamp, a fan and a laundry basket.

And I'm brokenhearted that we have had to do this....

I think what broke me more than doing the room was seeing him curled up in a corner just sobbing....

Bip is very materialistic ..... Its about what he has, not who he is as a person .....
so to lose everything is crushing him .....

One of the reasons we have had to do this, in order for him to heal,is to take away the control
I know outsiders can see at this as overbearing or mean. Why do we take away control?
To teach him.
He has to retrain his brain. To lower his anxiety.
It take a lot of effort and stress to constantly control everything.
So he can feel safe.
If he trust me,we are in control, he can let go.
To stop the power struggle.
He has to learn to trust us.

RAD Children ..... Manipulate people to gain control. They hug and smile to get what they want. They are bossy so they can keep the control with their peers.

RAD kids need so much to be in control of things that they will not do the most simple of tasks just because you asked them to.
It gives up way too much control. This has been happening more and more...over the last few weeks

Bip is fearful ....and cause he is, he uses control at all times to help him cope. I just took all his control away.
Without food at his easy reach he thinks he will die, without his stuff around him he believes he is nothing.



I know I'm dealing with an injured child here.... a sick child.

When I took him to bed tonight I hugged him and said " I love you"
for the first time ever he didn't say it back..... It broke my heart he didn't .... but at the same time it was a good thing.... cause it shows he wasn't trying to control me.....

Perfect Moment Monday : Breakfast

Perfect Moment Monday is all about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

You to can join in just hop on over to Weebles Wobblog the rules are simple ..... They have to be I'm participating.

Yesterday Morning, I had a spurt of inspiration, I told the kids if they wanted breakfast ..... they had to come up an idea and cook it themselves.

Before you panic, and think I let the kids cook unsupervised, I did plan on helping, they stood in the kitchen for a few minutes when Bop announced she knew what they could have, she whispered it to Bip they agreed.

Whoa that doesn't happen much, the agreeing apart .....

They asked for a small bowl each and I frowned... wondering what they where going to do.... their shoes went on and of they went with their bowls...

We have fresh raspberries growing in our garden ....... a source of great delight for both Bip and Bop as they are total fruit freaks ........ I grab my camera and followed them out.

Bip and Bop getting breakfast

After they had picked raspberries, they came in.... I asked

" So whats for breakfast"
" Pancakes" they announced ......

So the games began ...... the kitchen was a mess ....whats new.... the kids where happy ...that is new ...... and breakfast was served without much hassle or arguing

Perfect

I Capture Perfect Moments.

Don't forget to go check other Perfect Moments .......
and leave them a friendly hello :)