Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Day She Called Me Mommy.

There are always moments in your life that you never forget, moments that bring great joy and sometimes even victory.Moments that touch the heart, sometimes good sometimes bad.

When children first learn to speak, the first words parents really hope will come out of their tiny mouths are Momma or Dadda, its only human nature to want to hear these words from your off spring, people spend months repeating these two little words to their babies in the hope they will hear them repeated back in a garbled fashion.

I never had that joy of hearing the first words come out of my children's mouth.

My hubby did and he has always and always will be Daddy, their birth mother was never mommy or momma.

I'm told Bip called it her once,but from there one she had a nickname, for whatever reason this was I don't full understand, and its neither here or there to me why this was.

From the first day they meet me I was always Rachel, nothing unusual about that .....
Its the name I was introduced to them with.
It is my name, and I never expected to be introduced with anything else.
Its the name I was born with ....... its the name I go by, so why would they call me anything else.....

Is the name Mommy or Daddy a name which we automatically expect to be called or is it a name in which we earn the right to be called.

I personally think its a bit of both..... if you have birth children its the name you teach them to call you. There is a lot of respect in both those names ..... So we teach our children to use them out of respect.

If you have adopted children, do you introduce yourself as "Your new Mommy/Daddy" or with your birth name? 
An area I'm not familiar with but would love to know......

My name over the years has changed where Bip and Bop are concerned, I have been known as many things over time, and its all depend on where they where and what setting or environment they where in at the time.

They have complied as not to be diffrent from other kids around them, they have used certain names to explain who I am to them without having to go into detail......

They have been very clever about the whole thing, without anyone noticing or them bring attention to themsleves.

No child wants to be diffrent, at such a young age ....... so they complie to suit there surroundings.

Mommy is a name I believe I have earned, I have never pushed for this title.

It is a conversation I have had with Bip when I first married his Daddy, but i never told him he had to use a certain name to ask, talk or call me ......
So I stayed as Rachel ....... within the house.

Outside of the house was a diffrent story I said they used names to fit the situation.

Bop was the first one to ever say Momma, when directly speaking to me, and as sad as it is I totally ignored it and called on doing what I was doing .....

Imagine the setting Im working a summer camp, (I use to be an Art Director for a Boys and Girls Club)

Both Bip and Bop are at the same camp, and Im walking across the yard and I hear this little voice call
I pay no attention to this whats so ever..... why would I its not my name.

I hear it again and something inside of me caused me to turn my head and look to the direction the voice saying "Momma" and there I saw Bop jumping up and down waving her arms around shouting at the top of her voice. I stopped in my stride.

The pause before walking over seemed like a lifetime, I wasnt sure that it was really her calling me Momma, I wasnt sure how to react to this new name if it was her.

I had believed that my role in their life was to be their mother, but that as their step mother they would always call me by my first name. Suddenly that seemed like it was going to change, and I wasnt sure how to handle it.

I didnt need to walk over to Bop in the time all the crazy thoughts where going through my head she had come to me..... she had won something playing a camp game and she had wanted to tell me about it.....

As I listened to her story about winning, I did wonder if I should ask her what she had just called me.
We taked for a few minutes but then I needed to get back to what I was doing, I explained to her that I needed to go and her reply was this
"Thats fine Momma, I will see you later" and off she skipped back to her group.

So she had just called me Momma, I think I spent the rest of the day in a daze....( note the words daze and think.... )

I also remember thinking that maybe this was a one of and that she would go back to Rachel.
She didnt and my name did change again some weeks later and she started to call me Mommy.
Bop soon followed suit, but instead of just saying Mommy he had the need to expain why she was calling me Mommy.

"I am making a good choice and from now on you are Mommy" he told me, I did ask why, " Cause thats what you are to me a Mommy"

Bop has never explain why and neither have I asked, I feel this word needed no explaination from her as I had piad my dues and proved to them both that I had taken the job on and would see it through to completion.

 A I write this I do feel slightly overwhelmed, we have had our ups and down, its not been an easy job, I have cried buckets over how they have treated me over the years, but and I don't say this lightly..... They are my children, I love unconditionally, with full forgiveness ..... They are my children after all.

 Flogged on Thursday.... for Flog Yo Blog Friday.....

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  1. You made me cry.... thanks for sharing.

  2. I've got a tear on the cheek. I feel like I know you, Rachel, and I'm so proud of you. As one momma to another.

  3. Maxabella... Thank you.... the feeling is very much the same.... :)...

  4. I have tears streaming...I wish you had been my stepmom!

  5. This post got me teary eyed as well. So beautifully written, I can feel your love to them. I have two stepsons from my husband, they are both much older than yours and when I came into their lives their Dad has been alone for a long time. I was worried at first and unsure, I let them call me Maureen because I can't replace their mother nor do I try too hard to mother them, with the eldest it just won't work because he's a teenager already but it was so different with the youngest. He was the one that introduced me to his friends as his step-mom and I was so touched. Your story is so beautiful!

  6. Oh that is beautiful. As well as a mum I'm a stepmum too and when I got my first card saying I love you I felt exactly how you feel - my step daughter was 22 when she gave me that card. It meant so much.

    Thank you for introducing yourself at my blog today. Its nice to know you drop by. I have added you to my blog reader - I like what you have to say. xxx

  7. When the girls came, Princess was the only verbal one, and I told her she could call me "Mom," like Buddy did, or "Miss Kerrie." She chose to call me, "um" until Peanut started talking. Peanut called me mommy. Princess always called her first mom by her first name until Peanut began to call me mommy. Their first mom became (understandably) upset and insisted they girls call her mommy, and broke out into a rage if they slipped. During this time the Cuddle Bear was about nine months old and began talking, her first word being "dad." She didn't say mama to me (or anyone) until she was 18 months old, after their first mom's rights were terminated and visitation stopped. I'm sure she was confused. Weren't we all?

  8. Ooh. I remember this post. Not sure why I didn't comment last time... maybe I was shy? yes, that would be it. A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing, and rewinding at the Fibro.

  9. oh wow, yep, my eyes are glistening too...This is such a lovely post...I loved reading it, thanks for writing it

    Gill xo

  10. Oh, this is the best compliment to you as a person and what you mean in their lives. The hard stuff pales in comparison to this. And they're the best words. Ever. You earnt the right to be their mummy.

    Such a beautiful story. xx

  11. Oh, and I should add that my step daughters have never called me mum, but I'm okay with that. They've been in my life for 12 wonderful years and they tell me that they love me and it's like music to my ears. The best music I've ever heard.

  12. Awww, I am all emotional reading this, and so so happy for you. My middle child didn't call me Mama for a long time, for very different reasons (he was non-verbal and has autism) and when he started calling me it was the most precious thing ever. Jen (visiting from Rewind Weekend)

  13. What a great moment for you, and for them.

  14. Beautiful post. Slightly different I know but I have an adopted son (@13 months) and I knew how sweet it was when he first called me 'mummy'.
    They are blessed to have you x
    here from WR.

  15. What a beautiful post and what a special woman you must be.