Creating The Light.

 (Art Work Credited to TatterBeans)

It has been six months.... Since I quit my day job and entered into Therapeutic Parenting.

Ive regreted it all at times, Ive rejocied in it at times.....

Ive seen the light, lost it and found it again.
Ive pulled my hair out and its regrown.
Ive cried myself to sleep at night, and woke up laughing.
Ive been bored out my mind,but to busy to think.

It seems like only yesterday when we made the decisions  that I would come out of the white collar world, and become a SAHM to our two RADdlings.(not sure what RADdlings means check over in the right hand column)

I had great visions of grandeur to begin with, I always see roses before I see weeds. Then for whatever reason I lost my mind vision
A wise woman said to me around this time of losing my mind vision


"You need to be doing something for you, something your passionate about, something that inspires you" 

This did strike a cord with me, I enjoy the creative side of life but had not done anything creative since leaving my job as an Art Director for our local Boys & Girls club.

The only photography I did was quick snap shots of the kids... Id stopped drawing, didn't do any crafts, everything had gone.

I did start to do some creative work again slowly but it was surely.
I then asked a question to two women online who I admire, one for her ability to put into words what we are all thinking  and the other for her artistic talent ....

"What do you think to my work?''
There response was positive, they told me to go for it and not look back.
I am crap at self belief .... Im even worse at self promotion.

I'm scared of failure ...and I always think everyone else is soooo much better than me ... which as I write this I still believe to be true...

But and here is the positive, I have stepped out ...Ive even stepped up .... I took a leap of faith ...... and I did just what everyone had been telling me to do....

It is early days and all business take time to grow and be known ..... maybe I will succeed maybe I wont.
It wont matter either way.......the important thing is Me is back ...the one who is alive and kicking ......



*And if anyone wants to know what it is I'm up to...there are hints of it all on this site 

Flogging my Blog on Thursday for Flog Yo Blog Friday ....... 

Come flog with us .... @  Random Ramblings of a SAHM

Grounded with Mom

(weheartit)

My daughter ...bless her ....

Will be spending the week at home with her mother being home schooled ...

Oh joy for me

I had threaten that if the refusing to do work, hiding under tables cause she is mad ( normally for no real reason it would seem) didn't stop then she would be pulled out of school and homes school ..... this was after she dumped her homework Friday night on the school bus and proclaimed to me she had none...

What she didn't know was that her teacher had called me just as she left school to tell me what was going on... this homework was extra work that she had refused to do in school that day.

So as I am not one to making empty threates I know have to see this one though....

So over the next few days my post may be of a ranting nature or they may looked slurred ..depending on weather I can find the bottle vodka I hid from the dog.

Oh and she hates me right now... she told me so.

And So She's Back..... but its not from outerspace.

Ye that's right I'm back, where have I been.... Well Ive been here but in someways Ive not ....

I wouldn't for one moment say Ive been depressed but then again I wouldn't say Ive been myself....

Lack of motivation might be a good excuses but then again an even better excuses would be the inability to cope.
Cope with anything to be honest ....... Since my parent went back to England I have found life strangely difficult .....

I have been thinking about my past and all my hopes and dreams ... the things I wanted in my life the things I didn't want.....

Ive then looked at my future and where before I was scared and let me tell it has looked very scary at times, I'm not any more.

The whole reason it all looked so scary was mainly because the things I wanted I now have but not in a way I wanted them...does that make sense.

No?

Well let me explain.

At 24 years of age I was diagnosed as pre menopausal ..... and that's when my life took on some strange twists and turns ......

I had always wanted children, I think most people do its human nature to want what society says we as women should have .......

Well some 20 years go that's how it felt, and to a degree it does still feel like that most women are proud of being pregnant and birthing children its an ability that men don't have its something that you women can now a days do by yourself .....

Well not totally by yourself but you know what I mean ....

What I mean is all you really need now a days is a sperm bank and a turkey baster and your all set ... well most of you are ...

Me I'm not all set and never will be and that's fine well now a days it is cause my life took on a different turn I prayed for what I have today.

I prayed for two children and boy and a girl and yes I got just that...what I forgot to add to it all was that I would like a fairly normal parenting experience..... ye I left out some of the finer details and I truly believe because I left them out I didn't get them ...

So what did I get.

Well I got a pretty awesome husband, whom I am totally grateful for and love to bits.
The man is selfless in so many ways and for that I know I am truly bless.

I also go two beautiful children whom again I am most of the time grateful for. I am thankful that their birth mom had the ability to give birth to them.

I'm thankful that they love me in their own way.

The one thing I'm not sure I'm thankful for is RAD, I mean who in their right mind would be ......
I'm not thankful for wet beds smelly diapers rages for pointless reasons ...having to explain to people why they act like they do....... or what they have done, and so on and so on, just to name a few reasons why I'm so not thankful for it all

But I have come to the point where I know I have to move on from the gossip and this need to explain them and myself..... and be grateful that its just RAD and not a life threatening illness like cancer ....... To move on from the feeling overwhelmed with it al and see it all for what it is ...... and to belive that at some point that light at the end of the tuneel with shine.

Im also thankful for people like Maxabella who has been on my case so I see now to where I am.... I am sorry and please forgive me it was not my intention to worry anyone..... one email coming your way ..... precious lady that you are.

So the future what does it hold.... well it holds me puling my stuff back together and moving on .... It holds a furture project that I will be shareing very soon.

It holds me not going off again without warning and making people worry .

It also holds me looking toward the end of that tunnel ...and seeing a brighter light.

So the lesson Ive learnt here is...... never take life for granted, it could be ten times worse than what it seems right now.

Much Love : RAD

 So here is my Much Love Monday, slightly strange I know..... but as you can see there are the hearts.

Ye that's right much love RAD.
Because without RAD in my life I wouldn't have Bip and Bop keeping me on my toes.

Without RAD I wouldn't spend two and half hours a night doing homework.

Without RAD I wouldn't have lost 14lbs in weight over the summer.

Without RAD my Hubby and myself wouldn't be as close spirituality and romantically as we are.


Without RAD I think I would be bored out my mind right now.....



And as much as I would never wish RAD on any child or parent, I know God wont give me any more than I can handle and I can handle RAD.

I'm an over comer and a winner I will see it thought to the finish line how ever far the finish line is.

Can you tell Ive has a tough week?

But its ok..... we made it through and we all survived.



So Much love To RAD you didn't win once again.

Also this week I'm loving Fall..... and all that it blows to my door

Village Gossip

Isn't it funny how gossip gets back to you.... especially when its about you or a member of your family.

Now to me gossip is mindless talk... for one where is it getting you.... secondly, do you feel good about yourself when doing it or after doing it... maybe you do I don't know cause I find it hard to understand why you would want to gossip about two young CHILDREN in such a vicious way.

Cause honestly did my children ask to have RAD, are they in control of their actions, do they know what their doing half the time.... the answer to all of that is NO.

Yes they might have been mean, yes they may have stolen, and yes it may have all been directed at your child but honestly people are you then going to teach your kids to be mean back or are you going to find out why this child acts the way he does......

Kids talking to adults in such a way is beyond me... where do they learn that from I wonder... if at 10 years of age your child knows how to slate someone the only place they get that from is another adult.....

Monkey see Monkey do.

I think its time to educate the parents .......

I think its time to educate the school....

I just think its time to stop and listen and take note ...no one is perfect ..... everyone makes mistakes....
I have and I know I have....

Its time to stop persecuting to young children for something they cant control..... and didn't ask for.

Flogging my Blog on a Friday with Lori ...come join the Flogging 

The Joys of RAD: including Homework

Oh August 31st my heading for my Face Book page was this

Children with special needs don't have an illness, they are not contagious. They want what we all want, which is to be accepted. 

 

I sat here last night just scrolling through your blogs reading what you write...favorite past time by the way.... and it suddenly struck me, do my kids know they are different. 

 

This had me stumped for about 10 minutes, as I sat and thought about it, and thought about and thought about.

And here I am still thinking about it.

 

We have just gone into 2nd grade with Bop and honestly its just like history repeating its self, she is doing just what Bip did in 1st 2nd and 3rd grade.... 

 

Refusing to do homework, refusing to do work at school, and just making her own life miserably.

 

Its not she cant do it, believe me she can in fact the work she is doing is to easy for her even if it is she doesn't recognize it. 

So I know some of this is boredom, but even so, this is very tiring and boring also ....

 

So I have just asked her this question.

 

" Bop who else in your class refused to do work today" 

 

silence so I asked another question

 

"Bop who else in your class is still doing there homework 2 hours after they arrived home from school...anyone?"

 

She finally answered both questions and she said this....

 

" I think I'm the only one who refused work today, and I think I'm the only one making a fuss over homework"

 

So does she recognizes that she is different, yes I think she does to be honest.

 

Can she do anything about that ... no I dont think she can, she is to young to understand how she is different.

 

Bip on the other hand is totally different to 3 years ago, and is having a fantastic start to the new school year where his work is concerned, which inreturne does shine a light at the end of Bops tunnel I guess.

 

Cause if he can turn this around then maybe she can to.

So my question is this

 

Does it hurt to point out their peers to them.....?

Do they need to recognize that they are different and that to get by in this life they need to change their ways?

And am I being a bit harsh on them?

Be as honest with me as you want I sure wont take offense and it wont hurt if I am way of key here....

 

And for any one who doesn't know what my kids have read  this  then answer my questions 

 

I'm so open right now to your point of view.

 

Just a little side note... Bip just started playing me up over homework as his father walked in..... we have now been on homework for over 2 hours

 

On Your Marks, Get Set, GO

The days before school starts and we are off the wall.
It's like you know the train is coming but when it arrives it knocks you for six.

I know they are both scared, I know its the unknown, I know its fear you can see it in their eyes.
New class, new teachers.... but not a new school.

We have one stealing, lieing, sneaking around the house, raging, and fighting with anyone who will fight with him.

The other is fighting with with the one who wants to fight just cause she can, peeing her pants and sitting all over the furniture, hiding wet pants, destroying every thing in her path, and refusing to answer the simplest of questions, and raging cause she ses her brothing doing it and thinks its away to remove the attention from him so she gets it.

Then you have me who is TRYING to keep calm ...... not raise my voice ..... and still dish out lots of love.

I keep praying it will end when they get on the bus tomorrow.
I pray it will end and not beginning again when they get home.
I nearly prayed they didn't come home tomorrow

Only joking, lets face it there has to be some humor in all this.

Back To School

I cant believe its that time already, time has moved faster than fast and I wonder if I have achieved anything at all.

Next Wednesday I will walk to the bus to see Bip and Bop off to school.

When I gave my job up at the beginning of summer to enter into therapeutic parenting I have great expectations of grandeur.

My minds eye saw two children who would have moved on in their life and would be handling situations so much better than they where before school ended.

I knew that nothing would happen over night, I knew that by the end of summer we would still have work to do, but I did think we would be further along than this.

I'm not even sure where I thought we would be.

As much as I'm happy to see school start I'm also ...... would be be correct to say scared out my mind ..... yes it would be correct to say that.

I can imagine chairs flying across classrooms, and the refusal to do work, the stealing and the temper tantrums.
I can see it like history repeating its self all over again.

I find myself planning how to keep my kids calm before they go of to school.. almost like treading on the egg shells of life.
Praying through out the day they are coping.... that I wont get a phone call from school telling me that one of them or both are raging and out of control.

Holding my breath as I opening their homework folders praying there is no letter home.... and then the fight over homework.

Having these feelings is no fun.....

Doubting the school system ....wondering if they will cope with my children.... and knowing that I don't feel equipped enough to home school...... and knowing I REALLY don't want to home school....

Maybe homeschooling would be better for them than the public school system, but would it better for me.
On saying all this and being so negative, Bip did go up 80% in Math this summer just by attending summer school, but its weather he can hold it together in school.
We where told to expect A's and B's on his next report card as thats what he is capable of .... but he still thinks every minute of the day is playtime.

Bop has gone backwards so it would seem, either that or the bed wetting again is in protest of going back to school, I'm not quite sure Ive not worked it out.

Either way there will be no putting Wednesday off ...... 


*Imagine found on the product blog

Perfect Moments Monday: Recipe for keeping RADlings Out of Trouble

Every Monday Weebles Wobblog does a weekly post Called Perfect Moment Monday

Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

 The Ingredients:


Loads of sticks.
A few old blankets.
One Grandfather.( A.K.A Teddy)
An imagination.
An old tree.
And plenty of time on your hands


This recipe is so easy and if perfect for a day when the kids are bored and the grandparents are in town.


A bit of preparation time is needed, but you don't need to get involved if you don't want to...... I didn't in fact I didn't even know they where cooking up a storm.


Just be open to handing over some of ingredients when needed ..... and please note its best not to ask any questions.


The preparation time is as equal as the cooking time.....
It all depends on how the RADlings respond to the Grandfather I guess.....


You know when the cooking time is over you should hear something like this


" Mommy come see what we made"


Hold your breath and step outside ........

Bip, Bop, and Teddy ...looking very proud after building their forte.

Let me just say this forte has brought hours of entertainment for Bip and Bop....

They had their friend over for lunch and they sat and eat in it..... its sports a campfire and some sticks for poking bears up the nose with if the get to close so I'm told..... 

I Capture Perfect Moments.

Perfect Moment Monday: Playing Together

Every Monday Weebles Wobblog does a weekly post Called Perfect Moment Monday

Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.


There hasn't been many perfect moments of late, well not where Bip and Bop are concerned.... just as you think your going forward you take about five steps back.

Playing together is just imposable, I know all kids have there moments where they don't get on and cant play together but this is an everyday thing.

Its wearing thin and becoming a concern, the control of each other has grown mainly I think cause they know they cant control me, and in true RAD style they have to control something, so why not each other.
We  are working on this little problem, but needless to say, them being amicable with each other is far and few between.

There was one day this week where I suggested they  build something, they both love to build .... I supplied tape, scissors ( I was supervising the handling of the scissors), markers and other bits and bobs ... oh and a big cardboard box ..... they decided together to build a house for BOP's littlest pet shop toys .... there was one moment where they where quiet, no agruing no bickering, and where working together.

Working Together

I sat back and savored the moment of peace .....

Glad I did cause not some ten minutes later one of the toys had its head ripped off in anger ....Go figure.

I Capture Perfect Moments.

Spill The Beans: Saturday

You know being a SAHM isn't all its cracked up to be ... by Saturday I'm so full to the brim that I need to let it all out.

There is a saying .... Spill the Beans ..... The English idiom “spill the  beans” means “to divulge a secret.”

Oh boy do I have some beans to spill ....

In the world of Select All + Delete the beans can be anything from something I found to something that's happened .... Good or Bad
So Saturday is Spill the Beans :Saturday ......

And here are my beans for the week:


Sunday:
We were meant to go car shopping  as a family, now normally we keep things we are doing very quiet
( RAD kids have a tendency to sabotage outings, mine do this in great lenghts) and this one was a total hush-hush ..... Bip however had left his room is a terrible state and had the night before de-faced a book that I had allowed him to read in bed, He told me he was not cleaning it up, so after negotiations which came to a stand still fairly quickly ...
His punishment was laps up and down the drive way, which he proclaimed he was NOT doing....

My response was to recommend bed rest until be was strong enough to do it... he attempted a few laps then refused again so off to bed rest it was...

So Bop and Daddy went of to look at cars.... while Bip rested...the rest lasted  2 hours, in which time we eat chicken noodle soup for strength and slept and moaned and groaned like any sick person would ....

After a lot of cuddles and some words of encouragement we went back outside and successfully completed the laps.. with Mom cheering on the side lines all the way.

Monday:
I sometimes feel like I'm an animal shelter ( I know our neighbor does)... we have stray cats ... some get caught some go on to have babies of their own ....  the latest bunch have now shown their faces and are so darn cute

Then in true contradiction... we have to feed the cats so that these babies can survive long enough to fly the nest

Tuesday:
We had some fun...

I had found a really cool site the night before, so I decided to go explore it some more, with Bop hanging over my shoulder it took a while longer than normal cause there were lots of  "Ohhhhh Mommy look" and "Awwwww I like that" but we did find some really cool things to print up and do...
Lots of Birthday printables...

So if you have a Birthday Party to plan for this site is a must

Draw Pilgrim ( This will take you to their birthday downloads)

We printed this off and played it on Tuesday ... The kids had so much fun... I felt like my Nana... who use to go to Bingo every week with her sister

Picture Bingo Printable

Wednesday:
Started Operation Nice with the kids .....

We made some Muffins .

We gave three to our neighbor the  one who gave us lettuce ( see Favorite Color , she also gave us Zucchini Bread which is so yummy)

We took one down to Daddy at work .....

One to our therapist,

And we ate some .....

They where very yummy they were Chocolate and Marshmallow.

Thursday:
 3 minutes and 30 seconds of my life I'm glad I wasted .....

If by any chance you have not seen this yet ...
You so have to watch this ....

This had me laughing for well longer than it really should of done .. but then I have a strange sense of humor . The guy narrating in the video is extremely  funny (well to me he is) plus it is really cool .....

Double rainbow ...whats the chance of ever seeing that!

This was found at around 1am ....

The night my husband was using our bed as his personal trampoline .... so its plain to say I was surfing not sleeping....

Also this night I stumbled on tumblr, which I did talking about .... but what I do want to say is.... as much as it was a pain to get set up I have found some really cool pages.

Friday:
Not much happened ...I spent most of  the day drinking coffee and walking around in a daze from lack of sleep .......

Kids did lots of arts and craft as it was about all I had the brain power for .....

Set it up and they just  did it... I think they got the message Mommy was a zombie

Oh I did clean my kitchen which took most of the day ..... longest cleaning job ever

Bip & Bop's Art Work for Friday

if you can't guess the theme was LOVE

So that's my beans for this week ....

Do you have any beans you would like to spill ?

Have a wonderful weekend folks .....

Head, Shed and Shapes

Some of the stuff that Bip and Bop do, to display there anger or to show there frustrations, which I know can be one of the same thing are sometimes beyond me. The things they do to gain control or to manipulate a situation, again this also can be one of the same thing totally blow my mind.

Yet even tho they are siblings with the same disorder they are so different, they display different traits.

Example:
The meeting of a stranger:
Bip will greet them as if he has known them all his life totally engage them into something that is fascinating him and they will instantly be drawn towards him, he will have total disregard for me in the situation almost acting as if he doesn't know me.
Bop on the other hand will hold back assessing the situation, she will cling to the point of embarrassment, and be totally rude to the person who she doesn't know.

Example:
Food and Drink:
Food: If Bip was asks for something to eat and I was to say
" Well can't you wait for 20 minutes cause we will be having lunch then"
He will agree but, once my back is turned he will go steal the first thing the nearest thing he can in the shape of food, how do I know... Ive caught he enough times to last me a life time.
Bop on the other hand will wait for that said lunch to be served and then will more than likely refuse to eat it, or pick at it ... lunch & dinner can sometimes take up to an hour to eat if she is in a mood.
Drinks: If Bip asked for a drink and I ask him to wait or I say no ( which in most cases I don't have to with him) he will except this answer and go on his merry way.
Bop will go steal it ( if I have had to tell her no or to wait its cause she has probably had one recently and as she is my bed wetter, I'm more likely to monitor her with liquids) she has been known to pretend she is going bathroom and get a drink from the tap, we even went through a stage where she would drink out of the toilet, ( this still to this day turns my stomach when I picture it) and if anyone is wondering yes she has been tested for diabetes and other things.

They have (and this is a new thing that we are doing) a snack box each which each morning I fill with extra snacks for them to have through out the day, they have to ask if they an have something from their box but what they have is their choice,and if its fruit in the box I write a note which will say fruit... if its 2 pieces I write two notes and so on as all fruit is kept in the fridge, also along with the snack box is a water bottle and two fruit juice boxes, this has to last them the whole day and night along side the normal meal times which are accompanied by drinks. Bips box is normally empty come morning if not before (this child will wake in the night and if no food in his box will go in search of it) his drinks on the other hand will still be there come morning, Bop is the opposite.

Example:
Play: Bip will not and can not play alone, if he has no one to play with he will try to engage me into doing something with him, and this will always happen if I am washing up folding laundry or just doing something around the house or doing something for myself like reading, sewing a craft and so on you get the picture. If I refuse his advances to play he will stomp, storm, enrage and nearly always go off in a mood mumbling you "Don't love me".
Bop will often refuse to play with him, mainly cause he will control her to the point where if its pretend play, he has the whole story line planned out and her idea's are always a none starter to him. He will invite her to his room then five minutes later demand she gets out, only to invite her back in two minutes later, on the condition she does as she is told by HIM.
Bop needs no one, she could play by herself all day everyday, if I try to join her she will stop what she is doing and has been known to just state at me and will not allow me to engage her in what it was she was doing or be even tempted by a new idea or suggestion, until I leave her then she will carry on with whatever it was she was doing. She will play in her room for hours at a time alone if allowed to. She never asks me to play with her all she asks for is for you to set something up for her like a craft, then she will let it be known that she has the situation under control. It has been said that at school if she has been naughty and misses recces time this in no shape or form will bother her. Bip on the other hand will rage over this.

I know that no two people are the same, but if only they could display the same symptoms then I wouldn't have to learn to different approaches to everything.
in some parts of The UK they have a saying ... it goes like this.

" My Heads in The Shed, and it's All Gone Pear Shaped"

Meaning this is doing my head in and I'm totally confused.

I would say, that's pretty much how I feel today.

There Are Times

I was thinking the other day,
I know what was I thinking doing this thinking activity?
Never the less I was thinking, thinking about why I started this blog.

Well it was because I had this need to connect with other Moms who had kids with RAD, I found loads of blogs, loads of different situations of RAD, PDSD, ADHD to name just a few long with lots of other disorders. When my kids where diagnosed with this disorder which by the way is classed as a mental illness, I was heartbroken to say the lest, but relieved at the same time, as I had been told by the school guidance counselor that Bop needed to see a neurologist. Which made me think at the time that the school thought Bop was totally crazy, which I knew was not the case.

So back to the blog.......
Im the sort of person who gathers like minded people around me and gets on with my situation. If one has like minded around them, then you always have that support system to pick you back up when you trip or fall or have a question.
Im also the type who will reach out to others and encourage where encouragement is needed.

I also believe that if you can educate someone one a subject then do just that.
So there are my reasons for this blog.

I was going to give this blogging thing a miss ..... I had thought about it and was just about fully decided to give it all up
I asked myself some questions this weekend

So have I connected with other Moms with kids with RAD?

Not really.
One Mom sort of, but other than that no,

Have i tried?

Yes I have tried, I read their blogs daily and always leave a comment ..... which as you know can be quiet time consuming, but I think its polite to at lest say Hi and let someone know you have read there post which maybe the spent hours thinking about and writing.
I have learnt a lot from some of theses moms which is a positive.

Is this disappointing ?
Good question, I'm not sure if I am or not, I know my situation is different from most, my kids are not adopted, and RAD mostly develops in adopted kids,  (if anyone is wondering they are my step children) I know my kids don't have RAD as serve as some children have it ..... I consider myself lucky to a degree, but I do have it tough in other areas but like they say each case of RAD is different, different circumstances surround each situation, and no one other than the person in that situation, knows what is really going on.
So I'm not sure if I am disappointed or not.

I then asked myself why I thought all this was.... the no connection and so on.

Well before I say .... I have to tell you that  Kerrie at Good Moms Are a Lot of Things has been my only connection where moms with RAD kids are concerned. Her style of parenting and advice in areas has been a source of joy and at times has helped me move along just that little bit more.

I think its cause I don't harbor on the negative and write solely about the crap in our lives. Also I think its cause my kids are not adopted. I don't have the adoption connection, I am yet to find another mom who has stepchildren with RAD. It reminds me of being in school and being the new girl, and trying to fit in.
I don't want to write about just the crap, that just brings me down more. I think achievements, are more important.

The humor of it all ..... I always wanted children,  I was diagnosed at 24 with premature menopause .... that put an end to that want. So to have these two children is a blessing, whats funny about it is that its not what I  expected I mean why would it be..... I asked God for two children a boy and a girl .... I forgot to ask for a normal parenting experience ... so then why would I have got that normal parenting experience. So cause I think this is funny in all shapes and forms, could that be why people who deal with RAD don't connect with me .....maybe ....I don't mean to make fun of this mental illness .... and I have to say I'm sorry if I have offended anyone.


What do I have in this blog ...?
Well I have a place to come and write about the stuff that makes me happy, the children and their achievements, my love of photography is beginning to shine through ,I'm sure there is other stuff that will end up on this blog before time that will not have any connection with RAD, but it will have a connection to me cause that's what its all about isn't it? ... and then there is you guys, the ones reading my ramblings .... and your comments which always brighten my days and makes me smile.

I never started this blog to gain followers, or to receive comments ....... and I sure don't expect any body to follow me just cause they stumbled across my little space on the web, or leave a comment .... I always leave a comment but I don't expect it from others.... I do appreciate my 12 follows and I appreciate the other 19  from my Select All + Delete Facebook page ......

I started this so people could understand my children, instead of seeing them as naughty children, which they are not... they have problems which makes them act different to other children.
I am going to continue this blog, after all it brings me pleasure and I am so blessed to have connected with so many people from different walks of life, and for that reason alone I'm grateful.

I'm also sorry if this post was a total ramble....and bored the pants of you!

This was a Tuesday Train post.

Kids, Dogs and Vodka !!

Bip does this self harm thing that drives me through the roof.... he will hit himself in front of me when he does something wrong, he knows it pushes my buttons, so hence he'll do it even more....

But not today.

Picture the scene:

Its nearly bed time and they both have the PJ's on .... they ask if the TV can go one....

I'm on a no TV ban right now ...it's not been on all day .... can't bond if your watching the TV....
So I say get your reading books and read for fifteen minutes....

I wonder outside to see hubby who is letting the dog out.....(oh did I tell you we have a dog well the dog has issues to another story for another day)

So here we are talking outside and I can hear the kids talking and messing around, I call them both outside to me, they come running.

" What should you not be doing when reading"
" Messing about" they both say
" What else"

They both start to smirk ...something else that would normally push my buttons....

Bip automatically puts his hands to his face, well Bop does to but cause his action is so dramatic you always notice him more than her....

"Get your hands by your side I cant understand what your saying if your face is covered"

He moves them I go to talk again and his hands go up...

I tell him its OK to smirk, and I smile at him... His eyes start to go dark... I can see the hate and the angry coming.

He then hits himself as I ask the same question, Bop answers it

"Talking ...we shouldn't be talking"

I get up hug her and say well done... correct answer....

Bip drops to his knees and wackes his hand on the floor.... he needs a reaction from me.... so very calmly I say

" Bip pleases go to your room if you need to beat yourself up"

He looks at me with eyes wide open ...certainly not the answer he was looking for, he doesn't move but instead hits himself again...

Hubby's face is a picture ... he's also waiting for me to blow a gasket ....

I repeat myself very calmly again

" Bip please go to your room... no-one wishes to witness you beating yourself up"

Finally he gets of the floor and we all walk in...I carefully guide him to his room and very quietly say...

" Bip this is obviously a hobby of yours ... but its not a hobby the rest of the family likes... and as I cant stop you from doing it ... and wont even try to stop you ...please fell free to beat yourself up in here your room and when your done you may join the rest of us for family time"

I close the door as I leave his room.

Five minutes later he reappears.... arms all scratched up and face very red.

And as proud as proud can be he announces what he has done.... I look at him and say.

" Ok Bip well you still have five minutes of reading time so please could you get on with it"

I took a sly look at his war wounds .... they weren't half as bad as they normally are when he does this in front of me.

Bed time comes around and I walk with him to his room....

I give him lots of hugs and kisses... and he's giggling away when he says.
" Mommy ...why didn't you tell me off or stop me from hitting myself"

I replied with,

"Cause you have got to want to stop... I cant make you"

I get back to the living room and that damn dog has drank my Vodka + Coke that Hubby just made me as I was tucking Bip in....

Did I tell you we use to had a dog !

No Such Word as Can't !

So it was all change today....
Equipped with my new parenting Bible .... away we went.

Well everything was fine until It was Mommy's time to get a shower, do my hair and so one....
Tuesdays, we have to leave the house early so I can get Bip to class by 9.30am.

I told them both to get their reading books and read for 20minutes... (I have this showing, getting dressed and not looking a mess down to a T now.... 20 minutes and I have to say I look half decent) and I did state without talking....
They jabber to see who can control the conversation the longest, and believe me it turns into a fight cause in their minds someone has to win... to win means to control...

I'm not in the shower two minutes before they start, I step out and ask them to stop and read....

This happens three times, each time I give a simple warning saying if they can't read quietly then there would be a consequence to them disobeying me.
I get on with my shower the whole time they jabber away.

By the way I had sat them outside the bathroom and the door was open ....
Just in case your wondering if I have super sonic hearing.

So out the shower ... dressed and ready to go.....

"Bip, Bop outside please"
They follow me out to the yard.... I ignore their questioning...

I tell them both I want two laps from the car to the post .... Bip just does it ... Bop refuses

" I can't do that"
Very calmly I tell her she can.... she replies "You can't make me".... I tell her she is right, and that I'm not going to make her .... that she has to do this for herself.... and if it is that she is to weak to do two laps of the drive way ( this is no great distances by the way) then maybe she needs to go to her bed and rest until she is strong enough to do the laps....

The laps get done.
This pretty much goes on once we are back from Bip doing class....

She did some alone time.......
she refused to eat lunch .....she took a nap...
she jabbered through out the day ..... and the whole time I was cool calm and collected....

I heard her say to Bip at one point... "Is mommy OK she hasn't shouted at us all day"

She even nearly missed dinner...

Cause as soon as Hubby arrived home from work she really kicked off...
Normal everyday action .... but this time she was told to do laps...
She refused...

What started out as two lapped ended up as five she refused so many times...

Spent 20 minutes of alone time .... and was told again if she was to weak to do them she needed to go and rest.....

Again the laps got done...

With a great big hug at the end of it all.

With Book in Hand

I started a new book today and already its geared me up for the battle ahead....

Does that sound right the battle ahead...maybe it is the right thing to say I'm not sure.... but to be honest it feels like a battle ....
Battle of wills ...
Theirs against me ...
Like rage against the machine...

What they don't know is...while they are asleep mommy is reading a book ... and when they get up in the morning mommy will be well equipped to face the day again with them....

I'm almost excited for them to pull their normal, and I'm going to say it...
It's a word Ive been saying all day in my head....
Shit...
Their normal shit ....
I even said shit to my mom on the phone today and I never say shit like that to my mom .....
So enough with that ... Back to the book and the kids...
I'm on the bit that talks about being prepared to deal with problems .... problems like,
lies, unclear speech, the Why answer, the I don't know answer, the interrupting, dumb questions, useless chatter, the not answering, the arguing, not accepting responsibility, the whining.
Now I know your thinking but isn't this normal behavior in kids ... and yes it is but where normal is concerned its normal and can be dealt with pretty quickly ...

With RAD kids it's controlling behavior, and if I cant deal with it Im allowing them more power and more control.

The book gives me options on how to deal with all of the above.

Its had me laughing ... to the point of tears running down my face, my husband thinks Ive gone crazy .....Maybe I have ....
Maybe me going crazy will help my kids heal from this ...
Maybe he needs to come with me ....
The book also goes on to talk about the acting out, the urine issues (which by the way started again today) and food issues...all of which I sure need help on ......

The Book I'm reading is

When Love is Not Enough by Nancy L. Thomas.

Nancy where ever you are ... Thank-you, you just made waking up tomorrow morning something to look forward to.

Hard Lessons

I'm writing this with pretty much a broken heart.

Today was not a great day .... it should of been .... It could of been .....

But it wasn't.

We had to do something we were hoping we wouldn't have to do, something our therapist had said we might have to do if Bip's behavior didn't improve in certain area's. We believed he has stopped stealing, and I could be wrong maybe he has I have no proof either way.

I wont go into detail of why we did what we did today, I wont turn your stomachs like mine was turned today ..... but what I will say is I cant live like this any more so I brought it all to a stop and made the decision I didn't want to have to make.

Bip was removed from his room .... all his toys are boxed up and all he as in the room he is sleeping in, is a bed, draws for his cloths , a lamp, a fan and a laundry basket.

And I'm brokenhearted that we have had to do this....

I think what broke me more than doing the room was seeing him curled up in a corner just sobbing....

Bip is very materialistic ..... Its about what he has, not who he is as a person .....
so to lose everything is crushing him .....

One of the reasons we have had to do this, in order for him to heal,is to take away the control
I know outsiders can see at this as overbearing or mean. Why do we take away control?
To teach him.
He has to retrain his brain. To lower his anxiety.
It take a lot of effort and stress to constantly control everything.
So he can feel safe.
If he trust me,we are in control, he can let go.
To stop the power struggle.
He has to learn to trust us.

RAD Children ..... Manipulate people to gain control. They hug and smile to get what they want. They are bossy so they can keep the control with their peers.

RAD kids need so much to be in control of things that they will not do the most simple of tasks just because you asked them to.
It gives up way too much control. This has been happening more and more...over the last few weeks

Bip is fearful ....and cause he is, he uses control at all times to help him cope. I just took all his control away.
Without food at his easy reach he thinks he will die, without his stuff around him he believes he is nothing.



I know I'm dealing with an injured child here.... a sick child.

When I took him to bed tonight I hugged him and said " I love you"
for the first time ever he didn't say it back..... It broke my heart he didn't .... but at the same time it was a good thing.... cause it shows he wasn't trying to control me.....

A Labour of Love

Finally we have finished Bops new room.

Just a brief explanation on why we moved her room.

When we moved to our new home she had a room downstairs which was near to the bathroom.... we have had bathroom issues for quiet sometime and really believed that if she didn't need to go far at night then she would get out with no problems.... not so.... in the eight months we have been here I don't think she has ever gotten up and gone bathroom at night unless we have lifted her and took her....

Then a patten arose, she would ask if she could sleep in our room at night, in our bed, it started just once a week...it became every night, and the nights that she slept in our room or in our bed she would be dry at night .....

So we talked with her and with her included in the decision ...it was decided that she would have what was our dumping grown ... it is a very small room of our bedroom..(there is a fuller story to all this somewhere on this log)

I think maybe if you had the money you would make it an en-suite bathroom... so you get the picture.

This is what the dumping ground looked like two days ago.

just full of junk ....

Was meant to be a craft room for me but we never really got round to that.
with not really a lot of money to do this I had to get my interior designer hat on and make the most of what I had and didn't have....

This was her bed... it had been totally destroyed .....

This bed was part of her past......when we became a family this bed came to.... this was a select all + delete moment ...but I really couldn't afford to buy a new one....

That same bed

She has a reading corner to...which I think was the best move every .... cause this kid will read for hours even at the tender age of six....and has already been up there reading.

We named the room "The Room of Love" we want her to know that no matter what, that the room wasn't a place that she was sent to when she had been bad...that it was a place where when the world outside became to much for her it was a place where she would feel safe and loved.

She loves this little sofa

Most of the thinks in the room Ive made myself... the heart on the shelve was a wooden one I covered with paper to match her theme of Pink and Orange .

Mini Pin Boards which again are just cork boards covered


One of the prints we ordered from A life through the lens


Close up of her reading corner.... which she tells me she is sleeping in tonight

At time through out the last two days the temperature in the house has been as high as 91F but we just carried on with sweat dripping of us.... I'm so glad its done now.... and on a budget we did this room for under $100...

My grand total was $86

The Worse Letter of The Alphabet ..... Pee

(Art work by TatterBeans)

Ye that's right pee .... At six we still have pee issues, which for the most part I can deal with.

Buying pull ups isn't a big deal for me ... yes I wish we didn't have that expensive ... but its better than washing sheets every day and dealing with the smell of it.

It use to wind me up , and for the most part now a days Bop is dry at night. The random wetting herself in the day seems to have stopped also, mainly cause I'm on her case now I'm not at work.

I have rules that goes along with this problem ....

1: Expect to be woken up before I go to bed at night... you will be lifted and you will go to the toilet ( apparently she hates me for this one rule).

2: If you do have an accident in the day then please tell me ... cause sitting on the furniture in peed in pants is totally not necessary ( this  causes more uproar in our house than anything else).

3: If I ask you if you have wet yourself please don't lie to me it is likely to make me very upset if you say no and the real answer is yes ( the amount of times she has lied to me about this, well lets just say if I had a dollar ).

and the new one

4:Don't pee in the POOL

Guess who's not going in the pool for the rest of the week, all because I asked her to go to the bathroom and she refused,

I said

"Bop you pee in the pool, and pool privileges will be taken away for the rest of the week... that means for another 5 days"

She looks at me .... and says .....

"You can't do that ... its to hot".

It's been 103F for the last 2 days.

I explained I could and I would ..... I also told her I would know if she did.
She thinks the pool tester strips can tell me if she has peed in the pool, and why she thinks this I do not know, but hey I'm not telling her any other ..... it works in my favor right now.

Twenty minutes later I ask her again to go to the bathroom, with a really cocky voice she says

"I don't need to go Mommy"

I ask her if she has peed in the pool, she answers

"No"

At that point I wasn't sure if she was lying as she didn't look at me,( RAD kids look you right in the eye when they lie) so I got up out of my chair and started to walk towards the storm porch, as I turn the corner and just out of sight she screams at me,

"Don't you get a pool stick"

She gave herself away right there and then.

*Update on Pee*

Bop still wets herself at night..even though she is lifted before we go to bed.
Last night she was wet before we went to bed and again in the morning......(12/17/10)
She also been tested for Diabetic  and a few other things... nothing wrong with her....
She is in the mind set that with out a drink she will die... its one of her RAD issues.
Her mind set is as follows... she doesnt belive she deserves a warm clean dry bed.
She believes for the most part that if she can make me angry that is better than positive attention.
She isn't bothered if she smells bad,cause she isn't worthy of anything good.
How do you make someone believe that they better than that and that they are worthy of all good things? to answer my own question...Im still working on the answer.
Oh and she is Seven now.


So yes Pee is still the worse letter of the Alphabet .... in more ways than one.

The Cookie Monster

If it wasn't that I believed that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, Id have thought yesterday morning was the final mocking blow.

I know it wasn't I know that it was just all part and parcel of the healing process, but waking up to lies and deceit, is not my idea of fun for any morning. The on going sticky fingers, and then lies that comes with it, went on for a go 4hrs yesterday morning.

It started with the cooking jar( which I had filled the night before thinking the word trust and trust again ) and Ive only taken one to the dog sniffing Bip's shorts and getting kicked for it.... he had more cookies in his short's pockets, to us tripping his room upside down only to find more cookies under his pillow along with my old cell phone that I had been looking ... and have repeatedly ask if he had for a few weeks now, a laser touch which he has been told he wasn't allowed .... this touch he had taken to school on a few occasions and we have had letters home over, he thinks its fun to shine it in the bus drivers rear mirror while she is driving, and in his teachers face while she is teaching in the classroom. The look we received on finding all this was a blank expression no remorse just a stare that said

" So what ".

I think the worst was after spending a few hours talking with him over him taking food a few days ago and coming up with a deal with him, he never followed through with the deal, didn't even give it a second thought, just carried on doing his thing. I wouldn't of minded but the deal enabled him to eat before breakfast, if he woke up hungry, all he had to do was come to me and ask and he would of received.

So another hour was spent talking this over again, he was asked if he had any other food in his room, his reply was

" No " .

As I'm writing this I feel like bouncing my head of my desk, he did on the other hand follow through with the deal this morning, lets pray he can keep that up. Otherwise its locks on the cupboard doors I'm afraid, cause the cost of his stealing would feed a large group of African children.




(As a Rewind post I think this needs an update...this doesn't happen any more no more cookie monsters in our house... we ask if we want food.... This post just shows how far we have come since I wrote this)