Stop the Bus I Want to Get Off !

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Do you ever feel like you have so much to do that you could really do with asking God for an extra hour or two in the day?

I have been feeling like this for days now....

There just isn't enough hours in my day to complete all that I want/need to do..

With all the best intentions in the world I still don't get it all done...

My list is just getting longer and longer

Today's to do list looks like this

Write a blog post or two
Write a short bio and product an editorial to send out
Produce a template for Tatter Beans News Letter (look to the right and you will see a sigh up box... feel free to sign up and keep up to date with all that I'm doing)
Research new marking ideas
Do some ironing ( the kids look like scruffs in creased up clothes)
Clean the bathroom
Get some inspiration for Ester,Mothers day and father days prints/cards
Find a company that will fulfill my production needs .... and delivery deadlines
Work on a new product for my shop
Look at blogs to send my editorial to

Ok I am going stop there ... there a few other to dos on the list but Ive done them ....

I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm not going to get it all done today ....  and tomorrow just may be a wash out ... as we wait for the  next snow storm and the anticipation of a snow day for school.

Are you feeling over whelmed with all that you need to do today?
Please let me know I'm not alone .......

Click The Link At Your Own Risk

Sometime I wonder if I need my head looking at or if I just need a slap upside it .....

So I'm doing my normal Blog Hopping around thing I do most evenings...while putting kids to bed, watching TV, washing up from dinner and pouring myself a drink...

Maxabella always does "The Things I've Learned This Week Including" on a Friday and I have to say its one of my favorite weekly posts .... Its always funny and I always learn something new, plus she is so darn cute I cant help myself ...she is a must read if you haven't already found her yet.

So Im not saying I have a problem with her post this week ... but

There was a link on there... and in true me style, I clicked it ..... I'm suck a sucker for links

I so shouldnt have ..... No really you dont understand I soooooo should not have done that ........

Nearly two hours later I get off the site it sent me to....
Head buzzing
Mind boggling
Where is the Vodka moment.

I'm not the most computer savvy person out there... in fact nine out of ten times I'm calling Hubby over cause I'm totally stuck and don't understand whats going on, it is normally something so hard simple if I had only spent two more seconds on it I would have got it... but no not me its either doing it now or I'm calling you over.

So back to the click link moment .... remember when you where little and you where told not to talk to strangers.... I think maybe I should of been told don't click the link... it may have saved me a lot of trouble...

The link I clicked was as followed .... Tumblr

Its meant to be a fast twitter/blogger type style thingy.... faster than blogging slower than twittering .... Holy Smoke ...  there was nothing fast about getting set up.... or maybe that's just me ..... I did go and find some articles on this Tumblr

• A Complete Guide To Tumblr (smashingmagazine.com)
• A Complete Guide To Tumblr (darkerme.com)

Disclaimer
I have to say if you click any of the links on this page you do at your own risk and I shall not be held responsible in any shape or form.

Maxabella has stated and I quote " Although, should you choose to do so I will not be by your side. My life is far too slow for tumblr. I am already struggling with the pace of twitter. They are like trying to have a conversation at a party."

I on the other hand have now set up my account and is very willing (although not very able) to connect with you if you should set up an account ..... 

Maxabella thanks for an interesting night  

This is a Flog Yo Blog post

Head, Shed and Shapes

Some of the stuff that Bip and Bop do, to display there anger or to show there frustrations, which I know can be one of the same thing are sometimes beyond me. The things they do to gain control or to manipulate a situation, again this also can be one of the same thing totally blow my mind.

Yet even tho they are siblings with the same disorder they are so different, they display different traits.

Example:
The meeting of a stranger:
Bip will greet them as if he has known them all his life totally engage them into something that is fascinating him and they will instantly be drawn towards him, he will have total disregard for me in the situation almost acting as if he doesn't know me.
Bop on the other hand will hold back assessing the situation, she will cling to the point of embarrassment, and be totally rude to the person who she doesn't know.

Example:
Food and Drink:
Food: If Bip was asks for something to eat and I was to say
" Well can't you wait for 20 minutes cause we will be having lunch then"
He will agree but, once my back is turned he will go steal the first thing the nearest thing he can in the shape of food, how do I know... Ive caught he enough times to last me a life time.
Bop on the other hand will wait for that said lunch to be served and then will more than likely refuse to eat it, or pick at it ... lunch & dinner can sometimes take up to an hour to eat if she is in a mood.
Drinks: If Bip asked for a drink and I ask him to wait or I say no ( which in most cases I don't have to with him) he will except this answer and go on his merry way.
Bop will go steal it ( if I have had to tell her no or to wait its cause she has probably had one recently and as she is my bed wetter, I'm more likely to monitor her with liquids) she has been known to pretend she is going bathroom and get a drink from the tap, we even went through a stage where she would drink out of the toilet, ( this still to this day turns my stomach when I picture it) and if anyone is wondering yes she has been tested for diabetes and other things.

They have (and this is a new thing that we are doing) a snack box each which each morning I fill with extra snacks for them to have through out the day, they have to ask if they an have something from their box but what they have is their choice,and if its fruit in the box I write a note which will say fruit... if its 2 pieces I write two notes and so on as all fruit is kept in the fridge, also along with the snack box is a water bottle and two fruit juice boxes, this has to last them the whole day and night along side the normal meal times which are accompanied by drinks. Bips box is normally empty come morning if not before (this child will wake in the night and if no food in his box will go in search of it) his drinks on the other hand will still be there come morning, Bop is the opposite.

Example:
Play: Bip will not and can not play alone, if he has no one to play with he will try to engage me into doing something with him, and this will always happen if I am washing up folding laundry or just doing something around the house or doing something for myself like reading, sewing a craft and so on you get the picture. If I refuse his advances to play he will stomp, storm, enrage and nearly always go off in a mood mumbling you "Don't love me".
Bop will often refuse to play with him, mainly cause he will control her to the point where if its pretend play, he has the whole story line planned out and her idea's are always a none starter to him. He will invite her to his room then five minutes later demand she gets out, only to invite her back in two minutes later, on the condition she does as she is told by HIM.
Bop needs no one, she could play by herself all day everyday, if I try to join her she will stop what she is doing and has been known to just state at me and will not allow me to engage her in what it was she was doing or be even tempted by a new idea or suggestion, until I leave her then she will carry on with whatever it was she was doing. She will play in her room for hours at a time alone if allowed to. She never asks me to play with her all she asks for is for you to set something up for her like a craft, then she will let it be known that she has the situation under control. It has been said that at school if she has been naughty and misses recces time this in no shape or form will bother her. Bip on the other hand will rage over this.

I know that no two people are the same, but if only they could display the same symptoms then I wouldn't have to learn to different approaches to everything.
in some parts of The UK they have a saying ... it goes like this.

" My Heads in The Shed, and it's All Gone Pear Shaped"

Meaning this is doing my head in and I'm totally confused.

I would say, that's pretty much how I feel today.

There Are Times

I was thinking the other day,
I know what was I thinking doing this thinking activity?
Never the less I was thinking, thinking about why I started this blog.

Well it was because I had this need to connect with other Moms who had kids with RAD, I found loads of blogs, loads of different situations of RAD, PDSD, ADHD to name just a few long with lots of other disorders. When my kids where diagnosed with this disorder which by the way is classed as a mental illness, I was heartbroken to say the lest, but relieved at the same time, as I had been told by the school guidance counselor that Bop needed to see a neurologist. Which made me think at the time that the school thought Bop was totally crazy, which I knew was not the case.

So back to the blog.......
Im the sort of person who gathers like minded people around me and gets on with my situation. If one has like minded around them, then you always have that support system to pick you back up when you trip or fall or have a question.
Im also the type who will reach out to others and encourage where encouragement is needed.

I also believe that if you can educate someone one a subject then do just that.
So there are my reasons for this blog.

I was going to give this blogging thing a miss ..... I had thought about it and was just about fully decided to give it all up
I asked myself some questions this weekend

So have I connected with other Moms with kids with RAD?

Not really.
One Mom sort of, but other than that no,

Have i tried?

Yes I have tried, I read their blogs daily and always leave a comment ..... which as you know can be quiet time consuming, but I think its polite to at lest say Hi and let someone know you have read there post which maybe the spent hours thinking about and writing.
I have learnt a lot from some of theses moms which is a positive.

Is this disappointing ?
Good question, I'm not sure if I am or not, I know my situation is different from most, my kids are not adopted, and RAD mostly develops in adopted kids,  (if anyone is wondering they are my step children) I know my kids don't have RAD as serve as some children have it ..... I consider myself lucky to a degree, but I do have it tough in other areas but like they say each case of RAD is different, different circumstances surround each situation, and no one other than the person in that situation, knows what is really going on.
So I'm not sure if I am disappointed or not.

I then asked myself why I thought all this was.... the no connection and so on.

Well before I say .... I have to tell you that  Kerrie at Good Moms Are a Lot of Things has been my only connection where moms with RAD kids are concerned. Her style of parenting and advice in areas has been a source of joy and at times has helped me move along just that little bit more.

I think its cause I don't harbor on the negative and write solely about the crap in our lives. Also I think its cause my kids are not adopted. I don't have the adoption connection, I am yet to find another mom who has stepchildren with RAD. It reminds me of being in school and being the new girl, and trying to fit in.
I don't want to write about just the crap, that just brings me down more. I think achievements, are more important.

The humor of it all ..... I always wanted children,  I was diagnosed at 24 with premature menopause .... that put an end to that want. So to have these two children is a blessing, whats funny about it is that its not what I  expected I mean why would it be..... I asked God for two children a boy and a girl .... I forgot to ask for a normal parenting experience ... so then why would I have got that normal parenting experience. So cause I think this is funny in all shapes and forms, could that be why people who deal with RAD don't connect with me .....maybe ....I don't mean to make fun of this mental illness .... and I have to say I'm sorry if I have offended anyone.


What do I have in this blog ...?
Well I have a place to come and write about the stuff that makes me happy, the children and their achievements, my love of photography is beginning to shine through ,I'm sure there is other stuff that will end up on this blog before time that will not have any connection with RAD, but it will have a connection to me cause that's what its all about isn't it? ... and then there is you guys, the ones reading my ramblings .... and your comments which always brighten my days and makes me smile.

I never started this blog to gain followers, or to receive comments ....... and I sure don't expect any body to follow me just cause they stumbled across my little space on the web, or leave a comment .... I always leave a comment but I don't expect it from others.... I do appreciate my 12 follows and I appreciate the other 19  from my Select All + Delete Facebook page ......

I started this so people could understand my children, instead of seeing them as naughty children, which they are not... they have problems which makes them act different to other children.
I am going to continue this blog, after all it brings me pleasure and I am so blessed to have connected with so many people from different walks of life, and for that reason alone I'm grateful.

I'm also sorry if this post was a total ramble....and bored the pants of you!

This was a Tuesday Train post.

Hard Lessons

I'm writing this with pretty much a broken heart.

Today was not a great day .... it should of been .... It could of been .....

But it wasn't.

We had to do something we were hoping we wouldn't have to do, something our therapist had said we might have to do if Bip's behavior didn't improve in certain area's. We believed he has stopped stealing, and I could be wrong maybe he has I have no proof either way.

I wont go into detail of why we did what we did today, I wont turn your stomachs like mine was turned today ..... but what I will say is I cant live like this any more so I brought it all to a stop and made the decision I didn't want to have to make.

Bip was removed from his room .... all his toys are boxed up and all he as in the room he is sleeping in, is a bed, draws for his cloths , a lamp, a fan and a laundry basket.

And I'm brokenhearted that we have had to do this....

I think what broke me more than doing the room was seeing him curled up in a corner just sobbing....

Bip is very materialistic ..... Its about what he has, not who he is as a person .....
so to lose everything is crushing him .....

One of the reasons we have had to do this, in order for him to heal,is to take away the control
I know outsiders can see at this as overbearing or mean. Why do we take away control?
To teach him.
He has to retrain his brain. To lower his anxiety.
It take a lot of effort and stress to constantly control everything.
So he can feel safe.
If he trust me,we are in control, he can let go.
To stop the power struggle.
He has to learn to trust us.

RAD Children ..... Manipulate people to gain control. They hug and smile to get what they want. They are bossy so they can keep the control with their peers.

RAD kids need so much to be in control of things that they will not do the most simple of tasks just because you asked them to.
It gives up way too much control. This has been happening more and more...over the last few weeks

Bip is fearful ....and cause he is, he uses control at all times to help him cope. I just took all his control away.
Without food at his easy reach he thinks he will die, without his stuff around him he believes he is nothing.



I know I'm dealing with an injured child here.... a sick child.

When I took him to bed tonight I hugged him and said " I love you"
for the first time ever he didn't say it back..... It broke my heart he didn't .... but at the same time it was a good thing.... cause it shows he wasn't trying to control me.....

The Worse Letter of The Alphabet ..... Pee

(Art work by TatterBeans)

Ye that's right pee .... At six we still have pee issues, which for the most part I can deal with.

Buying pull ups isn't a big deal for me ... yes I wish we didn't have that expensive ... but its better than washing sheets every day and dealing with the smell of it.

It use to wind me up , and for the most part now a days Bop is dry at night. The random wetting herself in the day seems to have stopped also, mainly cause I'm on her case now I'm not at work.

I have rules that goes along with this problem ....

1: Expect to be woken up before I go to bed at night... you will be lifted and you will go to the toilet ( apparently she hates me for this one rule).

2: If you do have an accident in the day then please tell me ... cause sitting on the furniture in peed in pants is totally not necessary ( this  causes more uproar in our house than anything else).

3: If I ask you if you have wet yourself please don't lie to me it is likely to make me very upset if you say no and the real answer is yes ( the amount of times she has lied to me about this, well lets just say if I had a dollar ).

and the new one

4:Don't pee in the POOL

Guess who's not going in the pool for the rest of the week, all because I asked her to go to the bathroom and she refused,

I said

"Bop you pee in the pool, and pool privileges will be taken away for the rest of the week... that means for another 5 days"

She looks at me .... and says .....

"You can't do that ... its to hot".

It's been 103F for the last 2 days.

I explained I could and I would ..... I also told her I would know if she did.
She thinks the pool tester strips can tell me if she has peed in the pool, and why she thinks this I do not know, but hey I'm not telling her any other ..... it works in my favor right now.

Twenty minutes later I ask her again to go to the bathroom, with a really cocky voice she says

"I don't need to go Mommy"

I ask her if she has peed in the pool, she answers

"No"

At that point I wasn't sure if she was lying as she didn't look at me,( RAD kids look you right in the eye when they lie) so I got up out of my chair and started to walk towards the storm porch, as I turn the corner and just out of sight she screams at me,

"Don't you get a pool stick"

She gave herself away right there and then.

*Update on Pee*

Bop still wets herself at night..even though she is lifted before we go to bed.
Last night she was wet before we went to bed and again in the morning......(12/17/10)
She also been tested for Diabetic  and a few other things... nothing wrong with her....
She is in the mind set that with out a drink she will die... its one of her RAD issues.
Her mind set is as follows... she doesnt belive she deserves a warm clean dry bed.
She believes for the most part that if she can make me angry that is better than positive attention.
She isn't bothered if she smells bad,cause she isn't worthy of anything good.
How do you make someone believe that they better than that and that they are worthy of all good things? to answer my own question...Im still working on the answer.
Oh and she is Seven now.


So yes Pee is still the worse letter of the Alphabet .... in more ways than one.