Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Good Morning World is it Bedtime Yet

So tonight in the blogging world we have, Maxabella winning a award.... Mummy Time lending her blog to a friend so the friend can vent, Watching the Waters gave me some very interesting reading which I think all should read weather you have a birth child , step children or you have adopted, (Please click HERE to read). Me ... well all I want to do is go to bed.... Its hotter than hot in the house but I'm wrapped up in a cozy warm blanket, I'm not sick.... I'm tired.... my nights sleep went something like this....
Enter room, air conditioning, not on correctly ... hence hot room, I do not sleep well in a hot room.... toss and turn for a few hours while the husband snores away and just when the land of nod begins to approach me Bip enters the room, bad dream syndrome has disrupted his sleep and I his mother is burning in our house after setting it alight with my cooking.... I hear you laughing, its ok I was laughing to but not that loudly ..... I make the usual bed on the floor, and Bip complains its to dark in our room and can we have the light on ........ my answer NO ...... my brain is saying sleep by now but I'm still to hot, and just as I start to drop of the edge of the world the dog starts his snorting breathing thingy like he is gonna stop breathing at any moment, so out of bed again I go to see to him ...only way to cure it is to let him go outside.... sounds odd I know but honestly it works. The next think I know I have Bop jumping on my bed and Martha Speaks is playing in the background..... Good Morning world is it bedtime yet.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

You would pay for this at the Fair ground !!

Its been a roller coaster of emotions type of day. We have been up and down ..... up and down .... round to the left thrown to the right turned upside down and came crashing back down with a thump on many occasions today.
The morning started of good Bip has so far stuck to his promise of asking for a small snack first thing in the morning instead of sneaking around and stealing food. Bop was dry again this morning ....yeah for Bop.
The first twist on the roller coaster came when Bip realized that he was going to Sylvan this MORNING ...normal routine afternoon class .... he had been told the day before but this didnt register with him I now realize. We manage to get out the house in plenty of time without to much fuss, and we arrive early, I just don't do late .... its the one thing that can cause me to melt down .. being late.
We walk in and he's trailing behind me, but cause Miss Bop was chatting in my ear I didn't sense his disapproval at this point, once we are in there he points out to me that I have not giving him a snack, I was to say the lest taken back by this cause its the one thing where Bip is concerned that I wouldn't dare forget ...FOOD.... so I promise him I will get him one from the store, I hug him and promise to be back asap. As I'm walking out the door my worse fear over comes me.... He is going to have a complete melt down on them and it will be my fault cause I didnt give him a snack.... I rush Bop into the car and go speeding of to Walmart ..... with my whole excuse for speeding in my mind if stopped... snack in hand we speed back, I throw a water in there to hoping this would make thing better... drinks are not his thing... that's Bop she can't live without a drink ...Bip its food..... I walk back in and there it is right in front of my eyes... My son having a melt down. My heart sinks and breaks all at the same time. They bring him over to me and give us a private room to talk in. The conversation goes a bit like this.
Me " whats the problem"
Bip " No one understand me"
Me " I understand you "
Bip .... gruffs at me .
Me " Do you understand all the other kids in this room"
Bip " No"
Me " Do you know why you don't understand them"
Bip " No"
Me " Thats cause every single one of you in this room, is different, special and unique, and that includes you Bip"
Bip gruffs at me again.
Me " Bip why are you choosing to let the change in routine ruin you time here.... Bip never choose fear always choose Joy"
Bip blank stare
Me " Bip I'm am going to take you attitude from you, take it with me and you are going to make a really good choice and walk back into the room with a new attitude, agreed"
Bip ......... Blank stare
I repeat myself, Bip nods yes, and whispers " If you want it you will have to take it"
so I reach out to him grab him, he tries to pull away laughing and I embrace him, whisper in his ear I now have the bad attitude, now go learn something new and have a good time, he hugs me back and off he goes all happy. I then remember that Ive left Bop in the car eating her snack cause she didn't want to come in so I go rushing out feeling like a bad mother again and apologize over and over again for leaving her so long, her reply, " Ive finished my goldfish Mommy can I get a water bottle now please" I just shake my head and say " Ye sure you can Hunny"
We now have three hours to kill we run some errands and go back for him. You would never have known that just three hours ago this kid had totally melted on us he was happy bright and full of the joys of spring.
Post Office next, mail for me from the government, I open it in front of the kids and show them whats in it.
Bip " Whats that"
Bop " Oh My Life Bip" she proclaims " Its a ten year Green card," shaking her head. How she knew what it was I will never know, by now they are both jumping for joy and hugging me, I guess ten years is a slight reassurance that I'm not going anywhere, the sound of there joy brought tears to my eyes and is still doing so as I'm writing this.
By now its gone lunch time and we speed of home to eat.
They eat, get in the pool and I start doing some jobs around the house, snack time shouts me and I hand out the snacks, they eat them outside, Bip drops his and flips out, Bop laughs at him, this just makes it worse, I rush out with reinforcements, he calms down.
The next thing I know Bop starts her (and this is the only way for me to explain) up my butt routine, so I spend the rest of the afternoon tripping over her. Finally not being able to take much more of this tripping action I say something, she cries, I then feel bad ...... she stops for all of five minutes, and it starts all over again. So I get a craft out for them to do, Bop picks to color a optical coloring page, Bip chooses to make a book. Bop is bored with in 10 minutes, and up my butt again, Bip finishes his book and hands it to me with a big smile on his face, and I cry which makes him think he's done something wrong. I have to explain he hasn't.

Bip's Book

Dad arrives home from work, Bop is still up my butt ... Bip is watching a movie ...... and then we eat.
Their in bed now, and I'm eyeballing the Vodka bottle.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Perfect Moment

Been blog hopping again, and found this blog Weebles Wobblog which I just loved.
They do a weekly blog thing called Perfect Moments. So I thought for once Id join in ....... may even do this weekly as there are so many Perfect Moments in life.

So My perfect Moment
The morning had been total chaos .... Kids didn't want to listen to a thing I had to say .... at times totally blanking me and just carrying on in their sweet merry way which is code for pushing my buttons to the max........ after threatening more than once that we would stay in the whole day ...... we did go out we had a date with a One year old ..... My nephew who's Birthday it was that day.
The afternoon ran perfect, the kids (as in Bip and Bop) where the perfect children ..... played nice with other children didn't demand in any shape or form and the One year old, well he was on perfect form up to all sorts ............ his closing act was
......... after eating his cake (which I have to say was the most funniest thing Ive seen him do so far and believe me he is a character) and finishing it all up he had only one thing left to do lick the plate. This touched my heart, cause it showed me that children being children is one of the most joyful things in life.

A very happy one year old who entertained his guests like a perfect gentleman

I Capture Perfect Moments.

To Check out other perfect moments ( and believe me there is plenty) go to Weebles Wobblong ...hey you could even join in !

The Cookie Monster

If it wasn't that I believed that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, Id have thought yesterday morning was the final mocking blow.

I know it wasn't I know that it was just all part and parcel of the healing process, but waking up to lies and deceit, is not my idea of fun for any morning. The on going sticky fingers, and then lies that comes with it, went on for a go 4hrs yesterday morning.

It started with the cooking jar( which I had filled the night before thinking the word trust and trust again ) and Ive only taken one to the dog sniffing Bip's shorts and getting kicked for it.... he had more cookies in his short's pockets, to us tripping his room upside down only to find more cookies under his pillow along with my old cell phone that I had been looking ... and have repeatedly ask if he had for a few weeks now, a laser touch which he has been told he wasn't allowed .... this touch he had taken to school on a few occasions and we have had letters home over, he thinks its fun to shine it in the bus drivers rear mirror while she is driving, and in his teachers face while she is teaching in the classroom. The look we received on finding all this was a blank expression no remorse just a stare that said

" So what ".

I think the worst was after spending a few hours talking with him over him taking food a few days ago and coming up with a deal with him, he never followed through with the deal, didn't even give it a second thought, just carried on doing his thing. I wouldn't of minded but the deal enabled him to eat before breakfast, if he woke up hungry, all he had to do was come to me and ask and he would of received.

So another hour was spent talking this over again, he was asked if he had any other food in his room, his reply was

" No " .

As I'm writing this I feel like bouncing my head of my desk, he did on the other hand follow through with the deal this morning, lets pray he can keep that up. Otherwise its locks on the cupboard doors I'm afraid, cause the cost of his stealing would feed a large group of African children.

(As a Rewind post I think this needs an update...this doesn't happen any more no more cookie monsters in our house... we ask if we want food.... This post just shows how far we have come since I wrote this)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Let The Games begin

So the slow process of changing Bop's room round has begun, and believe me its slow, not for any reason other than there is a ton of stuff to move and there has to be a midway make commonly called the dumping ground and the dumping ground is the room the rabbit plays in.... and in true rabbit style anything you put on the ground he is sure to chew. This limits me to how much can be moved at a time and also limited me to where I can put it as I'm trying to keep it of the ground..... so I guess the house will look a mess for a while and I'm just gonna have to live with it.
On a lighter note I have been looking at how I would like her room to look, when we moved into this house I didn't really do much with her room, with working and not really having a good idea for it I just dumped her room together and it was almost a make do job, but now I have time and want to make it truly special for her. So my theme for her room will be LOVE. Bop is a true girly girl, totally opposite to me who would rather have a green, brown earth toned room, Bop is a pink girl. The process of collecting stuff has begun, as when I do a room I like everything there so it can be finished .... I so am not a work in progress type of person .. its all or nothing with me , so I have learnt to plan and collected before something is ready to be finished.

So this morning while blog hopping (my new daily morning routine) I found this wonderful little shop on Etsy ( another new favorite ) its called Life through the lens , truly amazing work took me a while to decide what I wanted but in the end I picked what I thought Bop would love ... and she did she said

" Mommy fantastic choice that's just what Ive always wanted"

Can't wait for them to arrive so I can go out and find some frames, the hanging of them will have to wait I guess unless I find another room for the rabbit to play in and then I can get a move on and get this task in hand done.

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Road Ahead.

Its official, I'm a stay at home mom for the next 9 weeks.
Today was going to be my last day, but instead yesterday was. Longer story than I wish to type, but the out come is a good one, I'm now at home with Bip and Bop and that's where I need to be for this phase in my life and theirs. So today is a brand new day, the start of something new, something better. I'm quiet excited by it all cause its a challenge.
That's a big word Challenge when you look at what it really means,

A demand for explanation or justification; a calling into question: a challenge to a theory.

A test of one's abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking: a career that offers a challenge.

To summon to action, effort, or use; stimulate: a problem that challenges the imagination.

All the above applies to our situation at the moment ...... but it is a challenge that I graciously except, and look forward to achieving and succeeding in.

This doesn't just mean changes to our life's but for the people who share parts of our life's with us, some will not welcome the changes that will happen over the next few months, some will also be challenged by the changes, some will have to adjust their attitudes towards Bip and Bop if they wish to be part of our life's. There are times Ive stayed quiet, when really I should have spoken up, there are times when Ive cringed at what people have said about or to Bip and Bop, but still Ive said nothing, not any more. Education will have to take place, for some, to be around Bip and Bop, people will need to fully understand what is going on in their life's and be willing to be part of a solution, and not be a bump in their path. I see the path as a long one, and if I were to say there will be no bumps I would only be kidding myself, but what I do see is a light at the end of the path, its bright, its welcoming, and I can't wait to get to it.

Monday, June 21, 2010


So day off today ..... its been a busy one .... but an awesome one ....
when I get time Ill update but for now its on with the dinner

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Sticky Fingers

Sticky Fingers ......
is the English rock band The Rolling Stones ninth studio album, released in April 1971.

Sticky Fingers is also one of the greatest rock and roll tribute band in the world and have sold out concerts with their cover of The Rolling Stones.

It is also a restaurant located over many parts of south east America

What the phase doesnt mean is that you need to wash your hands..... when we say someone has sticky fingers, in England it implies he/she steals things. It's an expression used in informal contexts. Im not sure if you use the same expression here in the US? maybe someone can tell me.

So Sticky Fingers.
Yes we have sticky fingers in this house, on a daily basics to be quiet frank, Bip will take whatever he wants it can be a cell phone that no one is using it can be a touch, it can be anything he wants but mainly its food, the snack draw should have his name on as he is in it so often when he thinks no one is looking ..... his down fall on this is he then leaves wrappers all over the house mainly in the living room where they are NOT allowed to eat snacks ...... or in his bedroom where again they are NOT allowed to eat snacks, so he rats himself out on a daily basic or Bop will rat him out cause she could find a needle in a haystack, and she always finds his wrappers ...I think she goes looking for them as she knows he steals, and like all kids they love getting each other into trouble, not that they need any help.
He will steal from school and horde his steals under is pillow on his bed..... erasers, band aids, pencils are just to name a few. The school once called the Chief of Police up to talk to him as it got so bad, the effect ..... NONE ... he isn't bothered by any of it.
I honestly think he thinks its his right to have what he wants when he wants it, regardless of weather he is caught or not.

On a lighter note Id like to say a big thanks to Country Mama for her wonderful gift of humor which i received this morning

Saturday, June 19, 2010

"Banging my head against a brick wall"

I wonder if people really do this?
On saying that I know Ive done it once, years ago I had an infection in my gums and the pain was so intense that the thought of banging my head ON a brick wall seemed more appealing then suffering the pain in my gums, hence I did it and yes the pain on my forehead took my mind of the pain in my gums, the bruise I was left with was very unsightly and the pain in my gums was still there 30 minutes later..... so it solved a problem for a short time but didn't solve it in the long run.
So I got to thinking yesterday, why and where does this expression come from and was it really thought of in the contense in which we use it.

I looked it up ......

be banging/hitting your head against a brick wall
to keep asking someone to do something which they never do "I've been trying to get the rules changed for years now but I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. He never listens to me - sometimes I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall."

I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall
meaning, despite my best efforts I am making no progress/cannot make a breakthrough.

I feel like this a lot.

But then I looked at in in a different way, what if the person you where trying to change couldn't or didn't want to, and they felt like banging their head against a brick wall cause all you where doing was nagging at them and trying to change th

And if they did it, literally banged their head against a brick wall would this be self harming?.
I'm sure Bip and Bop feel like this some days, I'm sure the wall looks so appealing or would feel better than me going on at them about the same thing everyday, I'm almost sure that they walk away thinking "I just wish she would stop" and I have to say I don't blame them, there are times I sound like a broken record.
They don't bang there heads on brick walls literally, or at lest Ive never witnessed this action, but I have witnessed them harm themselves in other ways.
Example: Bip use to very frequently hit himself when he did something wrong, this doesn't happen so much now, he did do it the other day when he pulled a silly move with something and I just gave him my look and he stopped. The
smack he would give himself used to be a very hard on almost a punch in the head action, and there would never be any tears with pain, and lets face it it hurts when you punch yourself in anger, and it was a good smack he would give himself cause it always left a red angry mark.
Bop doesn't punch herself, she picks at her skin until its red and bleeding and it doesn't stop there she will then continue to pick at the same red sore spot for days sometimes week not allowing it to heal.
To me this is a form of self harming, which if not dealt with with turn into something bigger and nastier, in years to come.
I don't fully understand self harming, I'm not a great lover of pain and self inflicted pain, oh my goodness I just couldn't do that to myself on a daily basics. I'm not sure if its cause I respect myself, love myself or what it is I just don't have it in me to mutilate myself, so you could say I don't understand this at all, which makes me feel very u
nqualified to deal with the situation of self harming all I know is it could escalate into something terrible.
Its hard when you know what something is but have no idea why it happens or how to deal with it.
I did find a site which I will be scouting through to try and get some insight as the times goes on and I'm sure there are other sites out there which might help me understand this situation more.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Let's see how this goes

So not wanting to name anyone, ...... I will call then Bip and Bop... some of you will know who Bip and Bop are some of you wont, that's ok their names are not important, just the person with the name is important.
So we tried an experiment, Bop has had an issue for the last 18 months where sometimes in the day Bop will wet herself, also every night bar a few she has been wet herself, we put her back in diapers as washing sheets everyday became over whelming and the smell "oh my life' was to much. I have a theory why this started and I can even tell you the month it started, and to say its heartbreaking is an understatement as she had been dry day and night for 18months beforehand. So the other night I held her in my arms and stroked her like a baby, read her a story, talked to her and just stroked her hair, as she began to fall asleep she whispered " Mommy can I sleep in your bed" I agreed to this and Daddy carried her upstairs. We did mover her when we went to bed so I did wonder how she was going to feel waking up in her own bed, but my hope was it wasn't going to be a problem, and I was also hoping sleeping in our bed wouldn't become an issues, but then thinking well an issues like that would be ten times better than half the issues we have right now. This child awoke in the morning bright eyed and bushy tailed and DRY. We then had two nights where she was also dry then a wet night. Did we change the program? yes we did. Then I had a few days of work and every single night she was dry until I went and removed myself for a few hours seeing the therapist on my own, and left them with a sitter, that night wet, and since I went back to work she has been wet every single morning/night. We could say its manipulation cause as adults we see deeper into things, we see the underline ..... and yes maybe it is, but is it conscious manipulation?, or is it a silent cry for something more?
I rang the therapist on this and she told me what I already knew, this child needs her mother at this moment in her life, call me her security blanket ...... call it apron strings ..... call it needy .... Ive called it all of these things before I realized this is a deep rooted problem, that she has no control over. This weekend we will start to move the house around to bring this child closers to our room, cause if putting her to bed in our bed every night helps solve some of this problem then that's what we will do, but carrying her all the way back to her room is back breaking so she needs to be closers.....

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Make a Note

So I spent two hours with a therapist on Monday going over problems, situations and ideas..... when I talked to her about how things where in the home and outside of home, I think I may have made my own hair curly, I did at one point wonder to myself is it really this bad or am I over exasperating the whole situation, I decided I wasnt that it is really this and that. At times she looked shocked others she looked sympathetic, and most of all she did seemed challenged.... which I thought was funny as at times so have I been, by their behavior .... when I say challenged I mean just that, its that challenge to put it right, it see it thru to the end, to make a difference , to do what is best and put your own feelings wants and needs to one side. I have to say that's not always been easy.
I don't want to lable them right now..... I don't even really want to say what it is we all think the problem is until the therapist speaks it out .... I have my own idea's but I am going to wait for her to tell me for sure.
For the time being I am going to take the summer of work and spend more time nurturing two very special children.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Doing a New

I guess when you know there is a problem you have to change it ..... or at lest look to change it .... how do you change something when you don't even know where to start......
Both my step children have problems ... not the sort of problems most children have , but the problems where it effects everyday living ...their school life, home life its all the time. If I was to write all the problems we have I would be here for a month of Sundays, and you would more than likely become very bored in the mean time.
I use to think they would grow out of some of the problems, but as they have gotten older the problems have become worse.
So now its time to act at 6 and 9 we can no longer let them carry on as they are.......
So where to start, well we are waiting for a counselors appointment to come in and I have started to research ... looking at the problems and matching up the symptoms to a few disorders.
Scary and heart breaking that my children (and that's pretty much what they are, mine, as they have lived with me and their father for 3 yrs and don't see their birth mother very often) might have some of the things Ive read about. I know we could look into things and be totally over board about stuff, but when you have witnessed some of the things I have, you to would be concerned and worried for their well being.