Thursday, September 2, 2010
How can you do this
Well its time to spill the emotions, cause I now have control of them.
Its always been evident to me that Bop's birth mother favors her over Bip, its a very sly favor, but never the less its there.
For 2 years now Bip has not received a birthday present from her let alone a card.
His first birthday that I was in his life he got a phone call, the second year a card with $5 in it and the last two years not a thing.
Bop on the other hand does get a card and normally a gift card, or a small present.
He now is beginning to notice this trend,and this year on Bop's birthday said something.
What do you say when you don't have the answer?
He wants to know why he is treated different, why he gets nothing and she gets something.
She didn't get a phone call this year but she did get a card with a gift card in it.
Bip is 10 next year and is very aware of what goes on around him... he would be he's at that age where things like birthdays now have a meaning.
He said to me some weeks ago birthdays are the day you celebrate the day your mother gave birth to you, he then went on to say that he wished that id given birth to him cause then he wouldn't expect anything from her ( her being his birth mother).
This totally breaks my heart cause I to wish it was that way just so I could ease his pain and make life easier for him.
Its not important to me weather I gave birth to Bip or not what is important is that he is at peace with himself, and he's not when it comes to things like this.
Bop still thinks I gave birth to her ...... I heard her tell Bip so.... and also heard Bip try to tell her this wasn't true..... but she just ignores it.
He has expectations of people ... I think this is only normal as you get older.
Cause as you get older people have expectations of you.
But if the exceptions are not meet do we stop meeting others expectation of us.... I'm worried this will happen is this carries on....
Believe me no amount of explanation helps.... this child is hurt and confused.
My big question is this
As a mother who has given birth how do you turn your back and forget the day you brought that child into the world, how do you tell yourself its ok NOT to acknowledge this child on that day we call his birthday.