Has Anyone Seen My Son?

(photo credit)

So there is a boy who lives in the same house as me, he's helpful and kind, just like any other kids I know.

He looks after his sister and helps me with the animals we have. He will wash up with his dad at night, and his bed is always made.

He picks up his toys when asked and does his homework with out any fuss.

He is full of cuddles, and has a joy about him that is pleasant to be around.

So has anyone lost a child lately cause this isn't the same boy who used to live here a month ago.

I'm not complaining .... I'm rejoicing ...
We seemed to have turned a corner with Bip and I'm just praying it lasts.

This week Im Grateful for : 13 Reasons for the Things Im Thankful For

(Art work credited to myself)

So its just under a week until thanks giving.

I have always found this time of year hard for many reasons, one being I'm not an American and as its an American Holiday not something we practice in the UK I use to find it very overwhelming here I am giving thanks and what am I thankful for...leaving my family behind, my job, my life etc etc ..... whoa sounds pretty sad huh... well to be honest that's a bit how I use to feel at times.


My life here was no better, in fact at times worse and without going into detail, I use to think I would be better of going back from where I came from.

I would then look at my husband , him being the main reason I was here and think no I would miss him far to much to make any of it worth while.

I'm very good at just going along with things, if you looked at me you would never know I was totally out of sorts and was not enjoying myself ... I paint a good face.

But this year I have decided Thanks Giving is something I am going to enjoy, if it kills me.
The week leading up to it the kids are always excited its a bit like Christmas but without the presents, I thinks its because they know Christmas is a month away and so they begin to get excited.
So we talk about what we are thankful for and in the past years its been stuff like My Toys, My Doll, My Lego.

Nothing to write home about, and I understand why they have always thought like this, and I don't blame them.... its down to us the adults to teach thankfulness ..... so I have begun doing just that and this years when they are asked I just know they will blow everyone way.

Tonight I will share my list with them and give them reasons why I'm thankful for these things.

So here is my list and the reasons behind them

1: Family:  Without family who are we, we don't belong if we don't have family. and belonging is important because it teaches us who we are, not only as individuals but as part of a unit.

2: Relationships: They connect us to people. . People in a relationship tend to influence each other, share their thoughts and feelings, and engage in activities together. Relationships are important to our growth as human begins.

3: Children:  A prayer answered, a dream come true, lesson taught a lesson learned, they hold the future mine and yours.

4: Home: There are many people that don't have what I have, and as much as I don't have a lot I have more than others, and I'm grateful for that. Its the roof over my head that keeps me dry its the foundations under my feet that keep me grounded, its the place where we join together and call Home.

5: Friends: I miss some of them but I know they are still there and if I need them they are only a phone call an email a text message away. The ones I can see I give thanks for cause they are all new relationships that are growing and blossoming in so many different ways, and then there is the friendships that have developed just from doing what I'm doing now blogging, they are precious friendships in more ways than one cause they are build purely on communication and trust.

6: My Son: I see this child in such a positive light these days, he has grown into such a caring child over the last 3 years.... He isn't without his ups and downs he still does the RADdy stuff he use to do but its now not as often ..... he is a delight to be around with such a gentle caring spirit and he loves his mommy that's for sure.

7: My Daughter: What a character, she has the ability to make you smile even when your angry at her, its the cuteness that enables her to get away with it all ...... she is loving and kind and always wants to take care of younger children, but not in a dominate way ..... she has grown so much over the summer and I now see that she has come along way. 

8: Smiles: They can brighten a day, make a sad moment happy and bring joy .... I once meet a child from Romania who didn't smile, she didn't know how to she had not seen anyone smile at her so she didn't know how or what a smile was, so when I see people smile I often thing about this little girl and wonder did she ever learn. How lucky we are that we can smile and know the importance of a smile.

9: My Health : We take it for granted and its not until something goes wrong do  we realize that we should have looked after ourselves more, and that's when we change it ...and pray its not to late to do so.I have made many changes in how I look after myself...and there is a few more to come.

10: Food : I'm thankful for the food we have on our table..... I spend sometime in Uganda and I have seen hunger ...... Ive seen the pain it brings and the sadness it leaves behind. It can break even the strongest of men and kill the weakest of children. Its something as a nation we need to wipe out every human has the right to a basic meal at lest twice a day. I try to teach my children how lucky and fortunate they are that they get three good meals a day and snacks in between.

11: Freedom : I have freedom to write this, I have freedom to go to church without having to do it in secret, I have freedom of speech and I have freedom because someone out there tonight is fighting for MY freedom.

12: Strength : The strength to over come all that I find hard.

13: Love : The one thing we all crave is love, in comes in many forms but by basic human instinct that's what we were made for to give and receive love. They say it makes the world go round.
I'm thankful that I found love in the form of my husband who works hard so we can have the things we have, and so we can do the things we do.....His love for us as a family shines through everyday and for that I am so very thankful.

And I'm stopping on 13 cause I'm not superstitious.

This post is being linked up to This Week I'm Grateful for at Maxabella Loves 

And So She's Back..... but its not from outerspace.

Ye that's right I'm back, where have I been.... Well Ive been here but in someways Ive not ....

I wouldn't for one moment say Ive been depressed but then again I wouldn't say Ive been myself....

Lack of motivation might be a good excuses but then again an even better excuses would be the inability to cope.
Cope with anything to be honest ....... Since my parent went back to England I have found life strangely difficult .....

I have been thinking about my past and all my hopes and dreams ... the things I wanted in my life the things I didn't want.....

Ive then looked at my future and where before I was scared and let me tell it has looked very scary at times, I'm not any more.

The whole reason it all looked so scary was mainly because the things I wanted I now have but not in a way I wanted them...does that make sense.

No?

Well let me explain.

At 24 years of age I was diagnosed as pre menopausal ..... and that's when my life took on some strange twists and turns ......

I had always wanted children, I think most people do its human nature to want what society says we as women should have .......

Well some 20 years go that's how it felt, and to a degree it does still feel like that most women are proud of being pregnant and birthing children its an ability that men don't have its something that you women can now a days do by yourself .....

Well not totally by yourself but you know what I mean ....

What I mean is all you really need now a days is a sperm bank and a turkey baster and your all set ... well most of you are ...

Me I'm not all set and never will be and that's fine well now a days it is cause my life took on a different turn I prayed for what I have today.

I prayed for two children and boy and a girl and yes I got just that...what I forgot to add to it all was that I would like a fairly normal parenting experience..... ye I left out some of the finer details and I truly believe because I left them out I didn't get them ...

So what did I get.

Well I got a pretty awesome husband, whom I am totally grateful for and love to bits.
The man is selfless in so many ways and for that I know I am truly bless.

I also go two beautiful children whom again I am most of the time grateful for. I am thankful that their birth mom had the ability to give birth to them.

I'm thankful that they love me in their own way.

The one thing I'm not sure I'm thankful for is RAD, I mean who in their right mind would be ......
I'm not thankful for wet beds smelly diapers rages for pointless reasons ...having to explain to people why they act like they do....... or what they have done, and so on and so on, just to name a few reasons why I'm so not thankful for it all

But I have come to the point where I know I have to move on from the gossip and this need to explain them and myself..... and be grateful that its just RAD and not a life threatening illness like cancer ....... To move on from the feeling overwhelmed with it al and see it all for what it is ...... and to belive that at some point that light at the end of the tuneel with shine.

Im also thankful for people like Maxabella who has been on my case so I see now to where I am.... I am sorry and please forgive me it was not my intention to worry anyone..... one email coming your way ..... precious lady that you are.

So the future what does it hold.... well it holds me puling my stuff back together and moving on .... It holds a furture project that I will be shareing very soon.

It holds me not going off again without warning and making people worry .

It also holds me looking toward the end of that tunnel ...and seeing a brighter light.

So the lesson Ive learnt here is...... never take life for granted, it could be ten times worse than what it seems right now.

Weekly Photo Prompt

Finally Got My Weekly Photo Prompt Up

Not my best work by a long shot but I posted it anyway

LIMELITE

I Have a Princess in My House

So first let me say Im sorry.
Yesterday ran away with me and I forgot to spill the beans .....
It was a crazy day yesterday ..... we had to get ready for a party this afternoon then we headed over to our annual family outing, something we do every year for Bops Birthday ..... Jaffery Fireworks ..... its a late night but worth every minute we waste waiting for the fireworks display ....... Photo's from this to come later.
Back to the Princess in my house.... she is 7 today ....  Im quiet emotional today .... Ive nurtured this Princess for 3 years and I see today that we have come along way. I see a blessing in front of me today ..... A child who made me a mother.
She told her brother Bip this morning that I gave birth to her, after he said something about their birth mother.
We have tried to tell her this isn't true, but she will have none of it, I just pray that when she does realize the truth that she doesn't crumble under it.
We will party this afternoon even if it is raining, first rain we have had in weeks and it comes the day we don't want it.
So the reason for this post is to show you all the Princess that Im so proud of .... Ive never really posted photo's of my children and it feels time today.
I want you to see the change in the last three years, how she had grown and blossomed.
We do a mini photo shoot every year on the children's birthday

 Bop age 4

Our first Birthday together, we held this party the same day we got married, the morning was ours the afternoon was her's ..... it was a totally hectic day 

 Princess even back then

 My Princess today.

 We managed to get the photo shot in before the rain came

 She looks so grown up.

Happy Birthday Princess Bop.

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you.

Back To School

I cant believe its that time already, time has moved faster than fast and I wonder if I have achieved anything at all.

Next Wednesday I will walk to the bus to see Bip and Bop off to school.

When I gave my job up at the beginning of summer to enter into therapeutic parenting I have great expectations of grandeur.

My minds eye saw two children who would have moved on in their life and would be handling situations so much better than they where before school ended.

I knew that nothing would happen over night, I knew that by the end of summer we would still have work to do, but I did think we would be further along than this.

I'm not even sure where I thought we would be.

As much as I'm happy to see school start I'm also ...... would be be correct to say scared out my mind ..... yes it would be correct to say that.

I can imagine chairs flying across classrooms, and the refusal to do work, the stealing and the temper tantrums.
I can see it like history repeating its self all over again.

I find myself planning how to keep my kids calm before they go of to school.. almost like treading on the egg shells of life.
Praying through out the day they are coping.... that I wont get a phone call from school telling me that one of them or both are raging and out of control.

Holding my breath as I opening their homework folders praying there is no letter home.... and then the fight over homework.

Having these feelings is no fun.....

Doubting the school system ....wondering if they will cope with my children.... and knowing that I don't feel equipped enough to home school...... and knowing I REALLY don't want to home school....

Maybe homeschooling would be better for them than the public school system, but would it better for me.
On saying all this and being so negative, Bip did go up 80% in Math this summer just by attending summer school, but its weather he can hold it together in school.
We where told to expect A's and B's on his next report card as thats what he is capable of .... but he still thinks every minute of the day is playtime.

Bop has gone backwards so it would seem, either that or the bed wetting again is in protest of going back to school, I'm not quite sure Ive not worked it out.

Either way there will be no putting Wednesday off ...... 


*Imagine found on the product blog

Perfect Moments Monday: Recipe for keeping RADlings Out of Trouble

Every Monday Weebles Wobblog does a weekly post Called Perfect Moment Monday

Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

 The Ingredients:


Loads of sticks.
A few old blankets.
One Grandfather.( A.K.A Teddy)
An imagination.
An old tree.
And plenty of time on your hands


This recipe is so easy and if perfect for a day when the kids are bored and the grandparents are in town.


A bit of preparation time is needed, but you don't need to get involved if you don't want to...... I didn't in fact I didn't even know they where cooking up a storm.


Just be open to handing over some of ingredients when needed ..... and please note its best not to ask any questions.


The preparation time is as equal as the cooking time.....
It all depends on how the RADlings respond to the Grandfather I guess.....


You know when the cooking time is over you should hear something like this


" Mommy come see what we made"


Hold your breath and step outside ........

Bip, Bop, and Teddy ...looking very proud after building their forte.

Let me just say this forte has brought hours of entertainment for Bip and Bop....

They had their friend over for lunch and they sat and eat in it..... its sports a campfire and some sticks for poking bears up the nose with if the get to close so I'm told..... 

I Capture Perfect Moments.

Shocked is an Understament

Ive read an article from a British News paper online that the number of pre-teenage girls on the Pill has increased fivefold in the past decade.

 The article said that last year doctors prescribed the oral contraceptive to more than 1,000 girls aged 11 and 12, usually without their parents' knowledge.
Another 200 aged between 11 and 13 were given long-term implanted or injectable contraceptive devices on the NHS ( National health Service)

In The UK the age of consent is 16, but doctors are allowed to prescribe the Pill to children if they believe an underage girl is mature enough to have sex.

WTF, how can any 11-12 year old be mature enough to have sex, let alone be in the right mind to bring a child into the world and parent it. 

And because of patient confidentiality, parents have no right to be told if their children are being given the Pill.

This has had me thinking all day.

These children are having their childhoods stolen from right under their noses...... their being given choices that they don't even realize that there are consequences to. They just assume that they will never get pregnant. 

Has anyone bothered to explain to these children that just because your on the pill doesn't mean your safe.... when sex education is introduced in school do they tell them that not only can you get pregnant when having sex you can reduce your chances of ever having children if you contract Chlamydia. 

Chlamydia is the most frequently reported bacterial sexually transmitted disease in The UK & The USA.

Chlamydia is known as a "silent" disease because the majority of infected people have no symptoms. If symptoms do occur, they usually appear within 1 to 3 weeks after exposure.

Then there is HPV ..... Human papillomavirus  is the most common sexually transmitted virus in the . At least 50% of sexually active people will have genital HPV at some time in their lives.

Do you think anyone has told them about any of the above ..... 

And lets not forget Gonorrhea, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis.

To name just a few more.

I have to say Im in shock that this is allowed to happen and all in the name of patient confidentiality and maturity.

Can you imagine finding out your 11 yr old daughter is on the pill, because the doctor believes she is mature enough to have sex ..... I mean how do you react to that... me I'd have a fit ...and his arse would be in court faster than he would be able to write a prescription.

The UK has the highest teenage pregnancy rate and teenage abortion-rate.
It was among the worst in Europe for many years and part of that was the lack of awareness in children about the risks of sex and pregnancy.

So who do we blame for that..... the parents, school education or society in general.
I dont have the answer to that.....

All I know is  there are more risks to having sex than just having a baby...... and I wonder if children of that age understand the potential risks after the initial fact.

*note back to the old layout... the new one would not let people comment. so if you tried to comment and couldn't ...thanks for trying ....*

*photo imagine Teen Pregnancy Statistics

Spill The Beans: Saturday ....plus a new layout.

You know being a SAHM isn't all its cracked up to be ... by Saturday I'm so full to the brim that I need to let it all out.

There is a saying .... Spill the Beans ..... The English idiom “spill the  beans” means “to divulge a secret.”

Oh boy do I have some beans to spill ....

In the world of Select All + Delete the beans can be anything from something I found to something that's happened .... Good or Bad
So Saturday is Spill the Beans :Saturday ......

And here are my beans for the week:

Sunday:
Went food shopping nothing strange about that I know....

But have you ever tried doing it with two kids and 3 other adults in tow.... well if you haven't take my advice and DON'T....

Its a pain in the rear and you end up spending enough to feed a small third world country.

Monday:
Now this is scary, I'm just hope its not my info that's been leaked out there....

100 million Facebook pages leaked on torrent site

Tuesday:
Did you know that the little yellow sticky notes we all use are 30 years old .....

Yes I said  30 do you feel old now I sure do... can you believe it ....

They have a awesome celebration going on and you could win a $10,000 San Francisco Creative Retreat by entering your Post-it^® Products work of art.....

Post-it

Wednesday:
I love looking for new things online for Bip and Bop.....
I love sites that are educational with a fun factor ....
Found a few sites this week which they have both enjoyed ......

Amy's Kitchen :: The lemonslice.

National Geographic Kids ...... They have this magazine each moth so when they have done with it I send them to the wesite

Drawing Lessons ...... Bip loves to draw but often gets stuck for an idea....or he has an idea but isn't sure how to draw something .....he finds lots of idea's and help from this sit.

Thursday:
As a child I was brought up on soul music, ....
I remember that my Dad once brought me a cassette player and a collection of soul classic cassettes .....

The collection had 6 cassettes in it..and I played them that much I broke them ....

So I'm  looking through on You Tube the other day looking for some new Kiddies songs for Bop to learn (that child sings like an angel and learns songs like it was second nature) and I found this....

Oh the memories



Friday:
First Broken window..... I think we have done fairly well ...I mean he is 9 now and he's never broke one before..... AND .... he owned up to it straight away ...and took responsibility for the whole thing.
and it was just the garage so no biggie really .....

So that's my beans for this week ....

Do you have any beans you would like to spill ?

Have a wonderful weekend folks .....

  So this is the new layout.... wanted to change it for sometime just didn't find anything I liked.... Love this ..but
I lost my flag counter in the move.... slightly gutted by that.
Would love to know what you think to the new layout!!!

*layout by Yummy Lolly

Life is Beautiful : Photo Prompt

This weeks  Melissa chosse the prompt for 2 Photographers, 1 inspiration. Her prompt was " Life is Beautiful"
Both Melissa and Kristi's Photos and interpretations are as always inspiring ...... I love both their work and I do wait in anticipation waiting for them to post their prompt for the week then their photo's.

I always want to thank them both for allowing others to participate in this weekly photo prompt 

Please take the time to go see their work, and leave them both a comment, it will be worth the simple click it takes I promise.

I had far to many idea's running through my head this week when I saw the prompt, there is so much beauty that surrounds us in this world.
The beauty that just surrounds my life alone is enough to make a girls mind work overtime.

I left my photo till the last minute today in fact I only took it a few hours ago ....... I was walking round my garden looking for an inspirational moment when all of a sudden it came to me....

The Word of the Lord is the most beautiful thing in my life, something that I don't always appreciate as much as I know I should.

Flowers are another beautiful thing in life, this flower was brought over to me by my wonderful neighbor yesterday, and reminded me and my mom of my grandfather .... it was his favorite flower ... A Gladioli.

Summer Rain

I love summer rain... mixed in with a tad of thunder and a spark of lightening ...makes for a perfect storm.... after the thunder and lightening Bip and Bop went out to play in the rain...... I followed

Bop Jumping in Puddles

Bop running in the Rain

Bip's Dirty Feet

They had so much fun.... and so did Mom ...... The we spotted the Rainbow .......

The sky was still fairly dark so I"m not sure how well you will see it

Kids, Dogs and Vodka !!

Bip does this self harm thing that drives me through the roof.... he will hit himself in front of me when he does something wrong, he knows it pushes my buttons, so hence he'll do it even more....

But not today.

Picture the scene:

Its nearly bed time and they both have the PJ's on .... they ask if the TV can go one....

I'm on a no TV ban right now ...it's not been on all day .... can't bond if your watching the TV....
So I say get your reading books and read for fifteen minutes....

I wonder outside to see hubby who is letting the dog out.....(oh did I tell you we have a dog well the dog has issues to another story for another day)

So here we are talking outside and I can hear the kids talking and messing around, I call them both outside to me, they come running.

" What should you not be doing when reading"
" Messing about" they both say
" What else"

They both start to smirk ...something else that would normally push my buttons....

Bip automatically puts his hands to his face, well Bop does to but cause his action is so dramatic you always notice him more than her....

"Get your hands by your side I cant understand what your saying if your face is covered"

He moves them I go to talk again and his hands go up...

I tell him its OK to smirk, and I smile at him... His eyes start to go dark... I can see the hate and the angry coming.

He then hits himself as I ask the same question, Bop answers it

"Talking ...we shouldn't be talking"

I get up hug her and say well done... correct answer....

Bip drops to his knees and wackes his hand on the floor.... he needs a reaction from me.... so very calmly I say

" Bip pleases go to your room if you need to beat yourself up"

He looks at me with eyes wide open ...certainly not the answer he was looking for, he doesn't move but instead hits himself again...

Hubby's face is a picture ... he's also waiting for me to blow a gasket ....

I repeat myself very calmly again

" Bip please go to your room... no-one wishes to witness you beating yourself up"

Finally he gets of the floor and we all walk in...I carefully guide him to his room and very quietly say...

" Bip this is obviously a hobby of yours ... but its not a hobby the rest of the family likes... and as I cant stop you from doing it ... and wont even try to stop you ...please fell free to beat yourself up in here your room and when your done you may join the rest of us for family time"

I close the door as I leave his room.

Five minutes later he reappears.... arms all scratched up and face very red.

And as proud as proud can be he announces what he has done.... I look at him and say.

" Ok Bip well you still have five minutes of reading time so please could you get on with it"

I took a sly look at his war wounds .... they weren't half as bad as they normally are when he does this in front of me.

Bed time comes around and I walk with him to his room....

I give him lots of hugs and kisses... and he's giggling away when he says.
" Mommy ...why didn't you tell me off or stop me from hitting myself"

I replied with,

"Cause you have got to want to stop... I cant make you"

I get back to the living room and that damn dog has drank my Vodka + Coke that Hubby just made me as I was tucking Bip in....

Did I tell you we use to had a dog !

With Book in Hand

I started a new book today and already its geared me up for the battle ahead....

Does that sound right the battle ahead...maybe it is the right thing to say I'm not sure.... but to be honest it feels like a battle ....
Battle of wills ...
Theirs against me ...
Like rage against the machine...

What they don't know is...while they are asleep mommy is reading a book ... and when they get up in the morning mommy will be well equipped to face the day again with them....

I'm almost excited for them to pull their normal, and I'm going to say it...
It's a word Ive been saying all day in my head....
Shit...
Their normal shit ....
I even said shit to my mom on the phone today and I never say shit like that to my mom .....
So enough with that ... Back to the book and the kids...
I'm on the bit that talks about being prepared to deal with problems .... problems like,
lies, unclear speech, the Why answer, the I don't know answer, the interrupting, dumb questions, useless chatter, the not answering, the arguing, not accepting responsibility, the whining.
Now I know your thinking but isn't this normal behavior in kids ... and yes it is but where normal is concerned its normal and can be dealt with pretty quickly ...

With RAD kids it's controlling behavior, and if I cant deal with it Im allowing them more power and more control.

The book gives me options on how to deal with all of the above.

Its had me laughing ... to the point of tears running down my face, my husband thinks Ive gone crazy .....Maybe I have ....
Maybe me going crazy will help my kids heal from this ...
Maybe he needs to come with me ....
The book also goes on to talk about the acting out, the urine issues (which by the way started again today) and food issues...all of which I sure need help on ......

The Book I'm reading is

When Love is Not Enough by Nancy L. Thomas.

Nancy where ever you are ... Thank-you, you just made waking up tomorrow morning something to look forward to.

Hard Lessons

I'm writing this with pretty much a broken heart.

Today was not a great day .... it should of been .... It could of been .....

But it wasn't.

We had to do something we were hoping we wouldn't have to do, something our therapist had said we might have to do if Bip's behavior didn't improve in certain area's. We believed he has stopped stealing, and I could be wrong maybe he has I have no proof either way.

I wont go into detail of why we did what we did today, I wont turn your stomachs like mine was turned today ..... but what I will say is I cant live like this any more so I brought it all to a stop and made the decision I didn't want to have to make.

Bip was removed from his room .... all his toys are boxed up and all he as in the room he is sleeping in, is a bed, draws for his cloths , a lamp, a fan and a laundry basket.

And I'm brokenhearted that we have had to do this....

I think what broke me more than doing the room was seeing him curled up in a corner just sobbing....

Bip is very materialistic ..... Its about what he has, not who he is as a person .....
so to lose everything is crushing him .....

One of the reasons we have had to do this, in order for him to heal,is to take away the control
I know outsiders can see at this as overbearing or mean. Why do we take away control?
To teach him.
He has to retrain his brain. To lower his anxiety.
It take a lot of effort and stress to constantly control everything.
So he can feel safe.
If he trust me,we are in control, he can let go.
To stop the power struggle.
He has to learn to trust us.

RAD Children ..... Manipulate people to gain control. They hug and smile to get what they want. They are bossy so they can keep the control with their peers.

RAD kids need so much to be in control of things that they will not do the most simple of tasks just because you asked them to.
It gives up way too much control. This has been happening more and more...over the last few weeks

Bip is fearful ....and cause he is, he uses control at all times to help him cope. I just took all his control away.
Without food at his easy reach he thinks he will die, without his stuff around him he believes he is nothing.



I know I'm dealing with an injured child here.... a sick child.

When I took him to bed tonight I hugged him and said " I love you"
for the first time ever he didn't say it back..... It broke my heart he didn't .... but at the same time it was a good thing.... cause it shows he wasn't trying to control me.....